The good the bad and the just plain different!

Four days and counting. Four days until Todd and I discover if God has given us the open door. It is so scary yet so very exciting. I desperately want to know where we will end up, but at the same time I am frightened at the possibilities.
Hannah and Caleb started school today. Hannah in third grade (yikes) and Caleb in 1st (double yikes). Funny, for several years now I have been thinking about what I would like to do when Caleb went to school full-time. Now, my thoughts are very far from what I will be doing but instead, where we will living, what church we will be a part of, and so on. I am disappointed that we will have to relocate during the school year (and most likely the beginning). Adjusting to a new teacher, schedule and friends isn't easy. Doing it twice- even worse. Somehow, I have managed to keep my fears underneath the surface so that I can instead encourage the kids that each change will be exciting.
I felt so at home at Center Point Church. The people were so wonderful! The church's vision fits great with Todd's. It felt so comfortable to talk with the staff and volunteers. Even the area felt familiar. I'm just not sure what God has in mind. As long as He is in it, I want to go!!!

Going South

I just returned from a great week of camp. For me personally it was not great, but according to the many campers who went it was the "best week ever". I had the opportunity to have the role of assistant director which was exciting and overwhelming at the same time. I am not a "leader" sort of person. I 'd rather sit in the back and make sure everything is in place. It was good for me to step out and be more assertive so I am thankful for the chance.
Midweek, Todd called to say we were going down to Texas for an interview! What a thrill! I am terrified yet so relieved that we have finally made it this far with a church. I admit that moving that far seems undesirable, but my wonderful hubby has always found ways to connect the location of a church to our family. It turns out that this church is 4 hours from all of my family in OK. We wouldn't have to spend holidays alone and we could visit grandparents, cousins etc. more often than would ever be possible here in MI. Yet, the idea of living so far from our parents, siblings and their children makes me incredibly sad. I grew up in MI without the pleasure of grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I have never really know the love that a grandparent brings or the comradship of a cousin the same age. I really wanted that for our kids and they have had abundant love and time from all of those special people. I always have promised myself that I would never issolate my kids like I was, but deep inside I sensed that my fear would one day need to be.
I want so badly to hold onto what we have gained here. A beautiful neighborhood, wonderful neighbors, ideal schools and of course family. I know that I need to let go in order to really recieve the plans God has for us. I am trying so hard to pry my fingers open and release it all to Him. I am ready for His leading. I just need some a little more encouragement I guess.

But for now, its off to Texas.

more thoughts

There is a strange and sad sight outside our kitchen window. Where green lucuous grass used to grow, a bed of dirt and mud puddles now lie. Not quite what I had thought of the many times I mowed the grass this summer. It makes me glad we fought off the calls for lawn service, too. But under all the brown mass is a brand new septic tile field! Two beautiful (if that word can be used when associated with waste) well constructed lines that will prevent any further water leakage, laundry pile ups and most importantly forbid the sale of our house. One step toward the big decisions that follow.
Our house has been up for sale for almost three weeks and we haven't had any bites yet and I am getting a little discouraged. We priced our house really low, yet we still are waiting for someone to come and look. Our mortgage payment rose $100 this month (thanks to adjustable rates) and we couldn't pay the previous amount on time. We desperately need to get out from under this stressful obligation, but for some reason God has not rescued us yet. I am fearful that I may need to stay behind while Todd takes up a new position somewhere far away. I don't want to be negative and lose faith. I don't want to feel doubled over in worry and stress when I think of all the bills that are not paid. I just need peace that all of this will somehow come together in God's perfect way.