Throwing up and Hard Parenting

During the transition of finding an administrative job, I was able to land a temporary job at a locally owned Halloween store. Halloween has never been a favorite holiday of mine.I wasn't always allowed to celebrate it so although we let our kids dress up and go out for candy, I could honestly take it or leave it. To even make things worse, when asked in the interview what my favorite Halloween movie was, my only response I could give was "Its the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown".

I think the owner did well to hide his smirk!

While working at the store, I was able to make a lot of observations about people. It was always interesting to see what kind of costumes individuals would ask for. Sometimes, it was very hard not to laugh. The best was the very large man who wanted to know if we had a Little Bo Peep costume that would fit him! Not a visual I wanted! One older gentleman came in looking for a Darth Vader costume. He was like a little kid in a candy store and I couldn't help but get sentimental as he told me about his collection of Star Wars memorabilia and how his boys always like Star Wars when they were little. Sometimes, it was the older women who surprised me. Some wanted to be clowns, some tried on costumes that no decent woman should wear in public and yet others were looking for blood and cleavers! After a while, nothing seemed to faze me. (Well, maybe the stripper buying shoes did throw me a curve ball...)

The most influential observation that I made, was the dynamic of parents and their daughters. Many of the costumes for women in our store were very "sexy". I had young girls grabbing those costumes to try on and it made my heart sink every time. My only saving grace was that they would usually ask my opinion and I would always try to steer them to a more conservative outfit. One day, a mother and her two teen daughters came in. I caught them as they were just going into the fitting room and when I saw that the younger daughter had picked up some of "those" costumes, I volunteered getting some from the teen section instead. The mother's first reaction was to put off my suggestion and tell me "matter of factly" that her daughter was large busted and would not fit in them anyway. Her daughter proceeded to model costume after costume which seemed to get increasingly worse. As I watched her daughter come out in a "boxer" costume which consisted of a bra top, low, short skirt and a robe, I finally could not resist anymore and asked,

"How old is your daughter?"

She quickly answered "eleven".

Eleven.



I could only sputter out something about having a twelve year old that was not "curvy" yet. Inside, I wanted to throw up.

The mom continued to watch her young, eleven year old show off her "assets" in costume after costume and ask, "Which one do you like best, Sweetie?"
I was only relieved a little bit when she walked out with one of the lesser "showy" costumes. I said a silent prayer for that young girl.

About a week later, a mother, father, and three daughters came in. The oldest daughter looked about eighteen so it didn't surprise me that she was also drawn to the more "adult" costumes. She finally settled on a Pirate dress that for the most part covered everything. It was a bit short but nothing that some dark tights couldn't fix. Her father didn't even get a full glance at her before he firmly said, "Absolutely not!".

I wanted to hug him.

It wasn't that the costume was "bad", it was that he felt that his daughter needed to be held to higher standards. She was a precious jewel and he wanted to protect her. I was so jubilant even as she pouted for a short moment.

It was then that I realized how thankful I am for the dad I have. I used to get so frustrated with him when he would rant about two piece bathing suits being like "bras and underwear". But later, I realized that he was not trying to be strict for the purpose of ruining my life, it was to simply protect me.

My heart goes out to the thousands and thousands of young eleven, twelve and eighteen year old young women who don't have a father or mother who will hold them to higher standards. "Bravo" to the moms who teach their daughters that they need to protect what is precious and to the dads who make their teenager girls change their clothes when they come down in that really short skirt. We live in a society that too often teaches young women that they are only valuable when they show off "what they have". What a lie they live with. I am so thankful that our daughter has a natural desire to be conservative. Since she was very little we have had talks about being appropriate and not showing things that should not be seen. I know that means different things to different people, but I think if we as parents learn to address those issues early on, we can set something into motion that hopefully our daughters will take with them as they begin to make those decisions on their own.

I know the clothing battle period is only beginning between Hannah and I, but I am ready to stand up and be the "strict, mean mom" if necessary. I know her dad is even MORE willing! I pray that I won't have to fight too many battles, but I will face a thousand if it means my daughter will learn to protect the precious jewel she is. In the meantime, I will be praying for those girls who will have to learn that lesson on their own.

Its been a ride!

Somehow, I did not realize that it had been so long since I last posted. I figured I should give an update to those of you who thought we fell off the face of the planet!

We landed in Southern Ohio the first full week of August. We faced loss of electricity the last night in the old house, severe weather on the way down and the highest humidity and heat all summer! It was crazy, but arriving at our new home and coming in to a house full of people ready to help us unpack was such a huge blessing! Some of the faces were familiar, others we had never met before, still all of them were there to lend their strength and sweat. We owe so much to those individuals but even more to our friends, Jim and Jeff who drove the truck and traveled all the way down with us, only to turn around and go back in one day. Thanks, Guys!

The first week, my goal was to get rid of the boxes. I had had enough of those darn cardboard nuisances surrounding me at the old house and I was anxious to find a place for everything in the new place. Slowly, things came together and after a few trips to Ikea (okay, maybe more than a few), we had most everything in place.

Our first Sunday at The River, a group of U of M fans all dressed in maize and blue to support Todd coming on staff. It was fun but also a great peak at the support that we had already at the church. We were prayed for and embraced and even though things felt new and so very different, it also began to feel like family.

The kids started school August 26th and it couldn't have come sooner. Hannah got down opening her locker and navigating the hallways of Junior School and Caleb seemed very confident finding his upstairs 5th grade classroom. Both of the kids took a few days to begin making friends, but it was Caleb who struggled the most. He left a great group of boys back in Michigan whom he spent everyday with and now, with school in session, he was hit with the reality that we were really living here. He had several plans on how we could move back to Michigan which he laid out often on our way to and from the bus stop. It broke my heart because I knew he really was just missing his friends. The following week, a quiet boy across the street came over to see if Caleb wanted to play and they have been buddies every since. Hannah had the advantage that our neighbor two doors down goes to our church and also happens to have a 7th grade daughter. It didn't take long for them to connect and now the daily routine after school is having both girls in my kitchen looking for a snack and then upstairs to do homework together. I LOVE it!

Todd has been doing a great job connecting with the students, parents and other staff members and couldn't be happier. He is right where he belongs and after being out of his calling for a few years, he is full of energy, vision and ready to move forward with some great ideas. Fortunately, he had a wonderful group of adult volunteers to go along side him as well.

Besides, working on getting our home in order, I have been sending out resumes here and there. There are not many jobs around here, so I am trying to be patient and trust God that He will put me where I need to be. Meanwhile, I have been busy entertaining guests in our home for meetings as well as three weekends in a row of house guests! I love connecting our Michigan family and friends with our new Ohio family. It helps the transition a bit too. For those of you who know my passion for singing in church, I have been in touch with the worship leader here, and plan on attending rehearsals this week. I really can't wait to get back into it! I am also slowly formulating a schedule and teams for the youth worship team so that they can have some better organization too.

Overall, I have to admit that it still feels a bit like being on vacation with all of our "stuff", yet as I learn to drive to a store without needing the GPS or I get a better idea of where to get groceries or the nearest Walmart, I realize that Ohio is gradually becoming more like home. As I reflect on where God has taken us this year, I am still in awe. From Todd losing his job in January, to our interview in TX and then to being close to losing our home without knowing where we would end up, I could clearly feel God's hand on all of it. I honestly can say that His peace has been the constant in the chaos that surrounded us. There are many more adventures ahead as our church now starts a search for a new senior pastor (yes, that was a surprise as well!) but we are ready for whatever is thrown our way as long as God is in it. For now, we are strapping on our safety belts and raising our hands in anticipation for an awesome ride!

God said "Yes"

I have been holding off posting for quite a while now because I was hoping to wait until I could write this particular blog. For those of you who have been down this very long road with us, I think you will be most happy to know that God has finally pulled back the fog and revealed to us where He is leading. Since Todd left his position as a part time youth pastor 4 years ago, we have held onto the promise that God would put him into ministry full-time. Back then, we thought it was around the corner so we put our home up for sale, sent out resume upon resume, and got ready to go where He lead. God had other plans. He chose to instead, give us four wonderful years of stretching, learning and growing in a deeper faith. We took our home off the market and got plugged into an amazing church. It was painful at times, felt lonely many times but through every step, God has never left us. Even when it felt like He was never going to move, He would reassure us that He wasn't done working yet.

In January, when Todd lost his job, we really felt that the time had come. We had no idea what was ahead but we had an excitement. God showed Himself incredibly as our every need was taken care of even when we had no idea how we would make it to the next week. In the midst of it all, God was setting into motion what will soon take place. Its so overwhelming to think that our prayers are being answered and that God cared so much about us that He took his time to prepare the church He wanted for us.

In August, we will be heading down to a beautiful area in Ohio, where Todd will take the position as youth pastor at a wonderful church called The River Church. We are so excited, nervous and overwhelmed with gratitude as we prepare to move down there. The sale on our home should be finalized soon and we have even secured a beautiful rental that still overwhelms me when I look at it! As we have had the chance to get to know a few people from our new church, we have been even more at peace with the process. I think we will be right at home in no time.

With all of that said, it will still be an emotional "goodbye". Todd and I will be leaving behind our parents and brothers and we will miss having them so close by. We also hate to leave the people we have come to love in our church and our dear friends who have stuck by us. There will be a lot of tears but behind all of them I know will be the knowledge that God is in all of this.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

The Prince Charming Syndrome

When I was a little girl my absolute favorite musical was "Rogers and Hammerstein's, Cinderella". Not the more current version with Brandy as Cinderella, but the older (perhaps cheesier) version with Leslie Ann Warren. I knew all of the songs and scenes. I would go into our basement with a few friends who would graciously play the parts of the evil step sisters and reenact the moment when I, Cinderella, first spot the prince at the ball. I loved that glimmer in their eyes, the pause and speechless anticipation as she gently glides down the staircase and joins hands with the prince (who swiftly sweeps her onto the dance floor). It was magical.

I recently was in a conversation with a close friend about the process of figuring out which church is the "ONE". I think part of me is expecting this magical breathtaking moment where we will just "know" its where we are suppose to go. We have had some that felt like the "one" and others that just didn't do anything for us. My friend finally asked something so simple, yet so very profound. She said, "Do you remember when you would dream of the moment when you would finally meet the one you were going to marry? Did you believe, like most little girls, that it would be 'love at first sight'? Do you think that perhaps you are expecting the same thing with finding the right church?" It seems so immature to think that way, yet I really think she was right. I AM expecting "love at first sight". Another pastor friend of ours told Todd that sometimes is not about feeling peace, but about doing God's will, no matter how it feels. I think our heads and hearts were in the expectation that our feelings will just tell us where to go but the truth is, feelings are not always reliable. Sometimes, they reflect too much of our flesh and selfishness. Sometimes, they just reveal our preconceived ideas or perceptions. They are not always tied up closely to God's will.

This new revelation does not make our task any easier, but it gives me a different perception. In some ways, its even a relief. It takes the focus off of me and onto truly seeking God's will. It means that if I feel "bad" about a situation or maybe just "uneasy" I don't need to focus on that. I just need to keep my eyes steady on the path that He is making and follow obediently. If it means things may be uncomfortable then I'll be a bit uncomfortable knowing that the God who formed me and knows my deepest desires also loves me more than I could imagine and wants the very best for me.

Music Meme

So, My friend, Adam, tagged me in this random "fill in the blank" questionnaire.

Here is my attempt and what you need to do:


1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool!

Opening Credits: Not to Us -Chris Tomlin

Waking Up: How Great is Our God -Chris Tomlin

First Day At School: Yakety Yak-The Coasters

Falling In Love: Mele Kalikimaka- Bing Crosby (If you know this song you are officially cool!)

Fight Song: Prodical -Casting Crowns

Breaking Up: The Christmas Song -Vince Guaraldi

Prom: While you were sleeping -Casting Crowns (Is that inappropriate??:)

Life: Never Give Up- Darlene Zschech (Hey, I like that!)

Mental Breakdown: America- Chris Tomlin (LOL)

Driving: Have a Nice Day -Bon Jovi (Awesome driving song!)

Flashback: White Christmas -Bing Crosby

Getting Back Together: Amazing - Matt Redman (I guess if it was a bad break up this would be true!)

Wedding: Overflow - Chris Tomlin (I seem to see a theme with Chris going here)

Birth of Child: Lifesong -Casting Crowns (wow that one fits good too!)

Final Battle: Satisfy - Tenth Avenue North

Death Scene: Unchanging- Chris Tomlin (Yep, I have to agree with that.)

Funeral Song: Till I See You -Hill Song (Appropriate!)

Remembrance Song: Never Say Never -The Fray

End Credits: Come let us Worship -Chris Tomlin

I’m tagging Lisabeth, Michelle and Amy T.

Rainbow in the Midst of the Storm

This evening, Hannah and I were planting some Marigolds in the flowerbeds to add color for our ninth showing at our house tomorrow. I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I only bought a small amount, but it was amazing what a difference they made. Just as I got to the last flowerbed, thunder began to roll in and so I frantically planted the rest and hurried inside. A few minutes later, the wind began to blow, rain began to pelt the ground and the fresh crisp scent of spring filled the house. Safely inside, I enjoyed just watching from the window as the new flowers got their first taste of rainwater. It was euphoric.

As we have struggled through the last five months, I have been amazed how that same feeling has been with me. I know that we are facing so much "unknown" and I can hear the thunder and see the storms rolling in, yet, I feel safe. Safe inside, protected from the wind and rain and noise. Instead of trying to dodge each obstacle, it has become increasingly like we are just able to sit back and watch God move. I suppose there are many people who go through their entire lives being able to see God visibly maneuver. We have not had that privilege. For the longest time, we have been praying with no answers. Waiting, with no end in sight. But lately, that has changed. As we have let go of the things we have taken for granted, a job, a house, we have been given small glimpses of God doing something. I am still not sure where we will be in three months, but I know God has something planned for us. And even more, I am at peace with whatever that is.

In the middle of the rain, I glanced outside again and caught sight of a stunning burst of color in the sky. The rainbow stretched in a giant arch over the distant horizon and I grabbed the camera to capture the moment. I was so caught up with the excitement, that I barely noticed the rain that was quickly soaking one half of me. It was a beautiful moment.

I am so hopeful that soon, we too, will see our "rainbow". I can sense its coming. And I can't even imagine the joy we will feel when it finally breaks out across our lives.

We are ready.

Here's the Scoop!

Last week, Todd and I finally made the call that we have been talking about making for a few months now. We called a real estate agent. Since, Todd lost his job in January, we have known that this step was on the horizon. We love our home, but we also love having food and electricity and clothes and.. well, you get the idea. We have had wonderful people get us through the last few months and so we were able to keep up with the bills, but we can't expect other families to sacrifice on our behalf forever. We can not realistically pay our mortgage between what little I bring home and what small amount unemployment gives. We have been actively talking about putting our house up for sale for the last few weeks and the more we talked, the more at peace we felt about it.

We met with a friend of ours, who also happens to be in real estate and talked things over with him. It seems that our house is now worth about 50% less than what we bought it for seven years ago. Yes FIFTY percent. Because we were one of those "lucky" homeowners who got sucked into an ARM loan, we had to refinance and that put our mortgage amount up as well. In order to sell our home, we will have to ask for a "short sale" which is basically when the bank agrees to take less than what you owe on your loan. This process can take three to eight months and since we still have to find a buyer, we decided that the best decision is to put the house on the market now.

Our biggest prayer is that by the time we are ready to move out, Todd will have another job and we can move into a new place at that time. If he doesn't, my in laws have opened their home to us and we will stay there for a little while. Either way, I am not concerned about where we will be. Amazingly, God has given us so much peace that even the idea of not seeing what is ahead doesn't bring fear. It can be frustrating because we can't make plans more than one month at a time, but I think its been a great place to be. If we only have tomorrow to look at, there is no worry for the long term. In the mean time, we hope that our home will find new owners who will love to live here just as much as we did. We are so thankful that we were blessed with this house.