Monday, November 12, 2007

When love runs out

Over these past weeks I have been told by two different friends that they were going through a divorce. They seem like average couples with everyday troubles like most marriages. One couple married for 10 yrs, the other just under 2 yrs. One friend told me her husband just took off his ring and decided he didn't want to be married. I can't imagine the devastating pain that has come on her.

It has made me really pour over the idea of "falling out of love". Why does it happen? It seems couples with money, without money, with children, with out children and so on suffer from it. It is not immune to anyone. Couples that are married for 30 years and those married for under 6 months. What happened to the generations before us, who got married young and grew older and wiser together? To the men and women who looked at marriage as something to be worked on, tested and stretched? A commitment for life?

When Todd and I go to weddings, we always look forward to the dance in which they slowly eliminate the couples married the least. We have reached over 10 years and get to stay for one more elimination. They continue to call out years until they honor the gray-haired, sparkling eyed man and woman who still only have eyes for each other. Some married for over 60 years. We both look forward to being that couple someday.

I won't lie. There are days when I have thought, "What if he falls out of love with me?" Then there have been moments when I have thought, "marriage is so hard". But the truth in it all is that marriage IS hard and sometimes one spouse does "fall out of love". Why is it so much easier to run away from one relationship to find another "love" and in turn just "fall out of love" again?

One friend of mine used the illustration of smoking a cigarette to describe love. You crave it, breath it in, get the "high" and then when it runs out, light up the next. I think it better describes "lust". Lust will run out. It desires to satisfy itself based on how something (or someone) looks or makes its feel. Then after the high subsides, moves on to the next exciting ride.

I look at love as something so much deeper, so much richer.

I wonder what the first person to discover diamonds thought about them. Diamonds are not beautifully smooth and cut with brilliance by nature. They are found with sweat and blood and dirt. They are brought from the darkest parts and poorest areas. Then comes the shaping. They are polished, cut and set in precious metal. They get to the stores only through surviving extreme processing. They gain worth through time. Marriage is like that diamond. Only through pain, dark times and work can a marriage become something great. The bride and groom who stand at the altar do not begin with a perfect marriage. They are given a rough piece of stone that only they can fashion into something with value.

Unfortunately, it takes two people to accomplish the goal, and when one decides its too hard, the beautiful result can never take form. My heart aches for the spouse left with the broken dull pieces. The one who was willing to stick it out to get to the end. The one who sees the two of them dancing as old folks in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by young couples who yearn to be there too.

My prayers go out today for the men and women who have been broken because of divorce.

I pray that God will take them through this valley and bring them up to the mountain where His love NEVER runs out.

That they will someday be granted the deep desires of their heart to find a partner who will work with them to create diamonds.


At 4:17 PM, Blogger Ms. Right Now said...

Wow, I really wanna get married now!! lol

Really, though, this is a beautiful piece. It does seem like so many people approach marriage with a "try it on for size" attitude these days. It is no longer viewed as something that comes with a lifelong commitment, through the better and the worse, in sickness and in health, and so on. I don't think many people getting married these days are given a realistic idea of the hard work it will take to make the marriage a successful one, and when the blinders come off and they realize that marriage IS work, they RUN!

I do want to get married someday, but I am also grateful for my singleness. I know that marriage takes hard work. You had I have both seen our parents go through a lot of tough stuff together, and come out on the other side of it...together. As much as I want to be married, I am cherishing the carefree days of singlehood, fully understanding that making the lifetime commitment of marriage invites, by default, a lot of unforeseen struggles, pain, disappointments, etc. A lot of joy, happiness, and unforeseen blessings as well. But, it's a give and take. It seems to me that you can't have one side of the coin without the other.

I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than get into a marriage I am not ready for, and end up another statistic.

At 4:48 PM, Blogger Kim said...

Thanks, Steph, that was really insightful and really good advice for other single people!

At 9:05 PM, Blogger Donald said...

i've just read up on your blogs that i've missed. (i don't get on the computer nearly as much as i'd like to these days!) i just want to ask you one question - Have you ever considered writing a book? you are an amazing writer, truly. love you!!

At 11:48 AM, Blogger Kim said...

Thanks, Donald! I appreciate your comment. Honestly, I love writing but have never considered writing a book. I'll have to think on that :)


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