Friday, December 07, 2007

I left the baby behind

When I was pregnant and even more so when my children were infants, I used to have repetitive dreams that I had left my baby behind. The location varied, sometimes I left them at the store, in the car or just simply forgot them at home. In each dream, I would panic when I realized that the baby was not with me and franticly attempt to return to the place I left them. The journey back always took so much effort and time.
Lately, I have begun to feel like that again. Not that I left my 10 and 8 year old somewhere, but that an even more important infant has been forgotten.
I have been so busy trying to work out finances, buy gifts, going to work and living everyday life that somehow I have once again forgotten the reason I celebrate Christmas. If it wasn't for the grace of God and his gift of Jesus more than 2000 yrs ago I would not know the love, mercy and blessings that through Him I have experienced. The last two years have been full of pain, redemption, blessings, confusion, small moments of clarity... Too many experiences to fit in this short post. Each fall has reminded me how much I have needed God and each victory gives more revelation to His love for me. Without Christ, I am nothing, have nothing and need everything. With Him, I am in need of nothing. I have purpose, meaning and a goal to work towards. I don't ever want to run in panic searching for Him again. I don't ever want to feel the loss that comes with knowing I am alone.

God help me to keep my focus on You so that I never forget the gift you gave. Don't let me leave the baby behind.


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