I feel like my theme these past few weeks is "Overwhelmed with life". I feel so out of control with all of the things we are doing right now. Every time it looks like there is a break in the clouds, something else rolls in. Right now, I am sitting for 3 different little girls. They come on varied schedules and it has been great staying home this year. My ability to not say "no" however has gotten me a bit more busy then I planned. Besides babysitting, I also clean at my father-in-law's business. They moved into a new building and so there is SO much to do there. I only have a couple hours a week to devote to it and now that the offices are bigger, I just can't seemed to get everything done. I want to quite that extra job, but they pay me so well I feel it would be plain stupid to give up the extra income.
I also have been privileged to be more involved with the music ministry at church. I do a lot of choir administration stuff as well as sing whenever I am needed and I love it. Its just the practices and extra time away from family that has made things a bit more stressful during the last month.
On the family end, Hannah was asked to be in the Christmas musical this year at church. She has lines to memorize and a solo to learn as well as practices 3 times a week most weeks. Between church, worship practice for me and her practices, I have been to the church building almost every night! That doesn't even include the nights Hannah has dance lessons as well. Thank goodness the kids haven't had too much homework lately!
The holidays are coming and I am not nearly as done with shopping as I had hoped to be. Its been hard to find the time to go shopping unless it is for groceries or an hour I have to waste while waiting for Hannah. I want to be excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas decorating, but I can't seem to get in the mood. I would be more excited if I could just have a week of no obligations! Give me a hot bath, a facial and candles and I will scream in glee!
The heart of all of this is my struggle to please everyone. I want to please myself, so I volunteer even when its just one more thing and continue to add things on my plate so I feel useful . I want the parents' I sit for to feel that my hours are convenient for them, so I rearrange things so that I can watch them longer or later. I want my daughter to experience accomplishment and pride when she performs on stage, so I drive her back and forth to practices. The list could go on and on.
My biggest fault is that I haven't once considered what would please God in all of this. I honestly have no idea what to drop and I am afraid that in all of my "dropping" I will choose the thing God wants me to do the most. Even worst, I don't know what that is anymore.
I need some direction and quick.
to be continued...