My New Years Resolution
I despise resolutions because most times, they are broken before the first week of January has finished. There are so many things I'd like to "resolve" to do such as exercising, eating healthier and so on but I don't think I will. At least I won't make a promise to. I think I will do better if I just make it general. My true heart's desire this year is to "start over". I want to rethink the way we handle our finances and our parenting, but I want to start over in other ways as well. I want this to be the year that we embrace a church, dive into ministry again, make more true and committed friends and allow God to guide us where He wants. It sounds so BIG, and maybe these things are more hopeful thinking than resolutions, but we have been sitting on the edge of something for a year now. Waiting and believing there is something bigger and better prepared for us. And maybe the problem all along has been that we have been waiting for "it" to come to us when all along we have had the opportunity to go to "it" and haven't. Maybe, just maybe, God will make something big out of the small things we are given to do as we commit to a church body again.
Though it is so hard not to be discontent with our situation, I think God has been waiting for us to let go of our expectations and just be willing to serve wherever service is needed. I didn't want to work in the food business, but maybe God put me there to remind me how blessed we really are. I work with a pastor and his wife who are looking for a church body to call their own as well. They both make $8.00 an hour, live in an apartment and have 5 kids to clothe and feed. Or maybe it is so I can simply show someone that serving others can be done with a smile no matter how rude they can be to me. I don't begin to understand why this year has happened the way it has, why our house won't sell, why Todd has not received an offer for a job, and why we never had enough money to pay our bills. All I know is that somehow He has sustained us and brought us through it. Now I believe is our turn. We need to step out and make ourselves available again and dive right back into ministry. Each turn that we have learned to let go of the reins, He has brought us through safely. There's no one I'd rather trust.
Our task is small to begin with, but we are hoping that in the midst of small acts, He will make BIG things come to pass.