AGH!

I am still attempting to process everything so hopefully this will not become a huge rambling mess. Todd, being on the forefront of another job possibility, was informed today that they felt led to hire another candidate. Through this long process, I have struggled quite a bit. I wanted more than anything for Todd to be able to be in ministry again. He has worked for 12 years in a shop doing 55 hours (currently) of a job he does not enjoy. We have come so close, it seems, to "burning" those dreaded work clothes, yet God wants him there for a while longer.

Last year was an extremely painful year for us. We went through so much healing during that time and at the beginning of this year it appeared that God was turning the tide for us. We both strongely heard God tell us to "stay" so we took our house off the market, stopped sending out resumes and settled into a church that has blessed us tremendously. We even were blessed financially for the first time in 10 years of marriage. I love our church. We plan to be there for a long time unless God moves us. I hoped to never have to sit in a service at a church and have to fight hurt yet we will have to once more tomorrow evening. That is when they will announce their choice for youth pastor.

The hurt is not intentional. It was caused simply by our hopes and desires surpassing God's plan for us. We wanted the thing that would make the whole year of turnaround complete. We wanted the perfect piece to complete the picture we thought we could interpret. We were wrong. Apparently, the picture we thought we could see, is not as simple and clear as we hoped. I guess maybe we were trying to force the piece in without even considering that our plans could not even compare to what God has planned for us.

We have a pastor friend, who has been out of a paid position for four years I think. His family has suffered unimaginable things not only emotionally, but financially, and even physically. My fear when we left our previous church was that we would eventually suffer as they have. I thought that if someone who had impacted lives so greatly could be put into a Job situation, how could we possibly escape from the same fate?

I honestly have no idea where this puts us. We will stay in our church and continue to serve as we had. Todd will continue the grueling job he has had to deal with for our entire marriage. I don't know what lies ahead, because obviously my plan is dead.

Thankfully, God's plan is not.