Numb

The last day in a half has been very overwhelming. We have been expecting this for quite some time, yet, somehow my mind really couldn't grasp the reality that Todd would be out of a job. For some time now, we have been surrounded by friends, family and co workers who have lost their jobs due to the down turn in the economy. Until now, we had been hanging on to the hope that maybe we would be able to tread water and survive. Unfortunately, we were wrong. I am so scared, overwhelmed and full of questions yet at the same time, my heart breaks for my in laws who have put their lives into this business. My father in law named the company "Banner Broach" because he liked the verse "His banner over me is love" (Song of Solomon 2:4). In these last few months I have been reminding God of this (as though He needs reminders) and claiming that verse for the company. I know that God cares for His own and I know that His banner of protection and love can redeem what is left of the company. I just wish I knew if that is His plan.

In regards to Todd and I, this new situation has brought more uncertainty. We have gone through an amazing journey these last four years of hoping, praying, weeping and even sometimes begging God to open a door for Todd to return to ministry. We have put all of our trust in the faith that He is preparing us for what He has in store. We have prayed many prayers of thanks for the home we have, jobs we have, the church we attend, but we have gotten little or no answers to what is next. Todd and I are both so anxious to move on the path God has planned for us, yet He has not allowed us to move. Maybe this will be the final step before God does something big. If so- we are ready. But maybe this could also be another trial we need to conquer before we are ready. I don't know. I do know this: God loves us and won't leave us.

That is what is pulling me through the pile of unknowns and "what ifs".