Where do we go from here?

I have been drowning in fears of insecurity and the unknown,
Slowly loosening my grasp on the normal life I used to live.
Things that used to make me discontent and left me wanting more
Are now the same things I find myself reaching to hold onto just a moment longer.
I have been left here in my tears without a glance my way. It feels
Like their eyes are blinded to my pain.
Once more I sit alone waiting for the daylight to shine just a ray of hope on my spirit.
The doors are black with no sign of ever opening.
Did we make a mistake? Did we hear His voice and misunderstand?
Or was that His voice at all?

I feel like I am sentenced to live a life I don’t want to face.
To go out of who I am and what we believe in order to sink back into the gloom we have tried so desperately to escape.

Should we suffer for wanting to serve God more?

But the hands that are cluching the whips that punish are not those of disgust or hate.
Instead they are the hands of those who helped to form us and befriend us.
They allowed us to minister to them.

Could life really be that cruel?

Why can’t they see what they are doing to us, to him?
I envision Christ sitting with us, weeping with us as we suffer for His cause
Or what we think is His cause.
Are we really so holy that we hear clearer than the leadership?

For now, I am resting in the small hope that God has a bigger plan.
One that we can not see or feel or touch just of yet.

Now, if he can just give me courage to endure this empty dark pit while I wait.