Bloggity bloggity blog

Searching for Trust

2011-03-28T16:54:00.000-05:00

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27 NIV

Last week, as I was driving to the church building, I took notice of a field I pass on my way there. There are always a large number of sheep and cows and even a few Emus grazing, but today I noticed something a bit unusual. There was a man crouched down near the corner of the barn and he seemed to be talking to two small spotted lambs near by. They were frozen, bodies tense and ears perked. It instantly became obvious to me that he was probably the farmer and they were his lambs. I have read that sheep grow accustom to their shepherd's voice and that they will come when they hear it. It was clear that these lambs were not yet used to hearing the farmer call them and he was working on introducing himself to them. In time, they will learn that he is there to care for them.

As I drove on, God brought to mind how those of us who are Christians are sheep as well. We know our Shepherd's voice and we know that we can trust Him. But there are many people who walk through the church doors on a Sunday who are just like those lambs. They are curious, they see others trusting Him but they still have a lot of reservations. Its our job, as believers to not only introduce people to Christ, but to show them He is trustworthy. I believe that begins with creating a place where they feel safe and accepted. Even if your church family has long been a welcoming community, we need to continue to find ways to increase that. I know that many of us are very busy on Sundays serving in an area of the church, catching up with friends or perhaps needing to slip out for another obligation, but look for opportunities to meet and welcome new faces. The elders and staff at our church are making great efforts to make that even easier for our congregation, but we still need to take initiative. If your church is doing things “right” then you're going to grow. The challenge will be to make sure those who are searching stay to find the Answer.

Tangled Unwound

2010-11-11T12:16:00.003-05:00

Our family recently had the privilege of pre-screening the new Disney Movie Tangled in 3D. While I had heard the Rapunzel story as a child growing up, I honestly couldn't remember much about it except that there was a girl with long hair and a witch who held her captive. As the storyline of Tangled unfolded, I knew almost immediately that the writers had added a great deal of back story to the tale. It added a new dimension to Rapunzel and her very VERY long hair. The characters had a lot of personality and I found myself being drawn in very quickly. There were many entertaining characters, especially in one scene in which Rapunzel and her "guide", Flynn Rider, are checking out a local "diner". The climax of the story was full of emotion and excitement. I honestly felt myself getting teary and rooting for the "good guys". In the end, the resolution was fairy tale-ish, yet full of fun.
Besides the engaging story line, I was most drawn to the animation itself. There were many times, the things on the screen seemed so "real". I am not one for spending a lot at the theater, but I have to say of all the movies I have seen in 3D, this would be far worth the extra spent. Overall, I was very impressed with Tangled. Even our 11 year old son said he enjoyed it (though he will be sure not to admit that to anyone at school). If you are considering taking your kids, I would say "GO FOR IT!".

In case you haven't seen the trailer check it out:
http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi4017854745/

I Still Believe

2010-11-01T10:43:00.004-05:00

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”
Job 1:21

When I read the book of Job, I am amazed that he made it through his situation alive. The guy lost his source of wealth (herds, flocks, camels and servants), experienced the loss of not one but ALL of his children, became struck with sores all over his body and then was surrounded by his wife and friends who could only continue to question why God would allow this to happen to him. In today's world, he would have been given loads of antidepressant medications, round-the-clock counseling and locked up in a hospital room for observation. We probably wouldn't expect a very good outcome. Instead, Job somehow holds onto his faith in God and in the end, is blessed beyond measure. His faith seems almost unattainable.

While I was in Pittsburgh, for the Seminars 4 Worship conference, one of the many things I walked away with was the song "We Still Believe" that Kathryn Scott shared with us. It reminded me not only of Job and his plight but of all the times, I have had to stand firm in my faith even when it seemed God wasn't there. The words of that song are the symbol of all of us who have suffered loss, those who have experienced God's blessings, and those who are still waiting for an answer. They are the cry of one body of believers all confirming that no matter situation we are in, we still believe that God is Good and Faithful. No matter what I have to yet face in life, I know that God is powerful enough to move but even more wise to know when not to. I pray that where ever you are in your journey, you will one day be moved to sing out these words in faith and surrender.

We Still Believe

From the thankful heart to the battle-scarred
From the comforted to those who grieve
From the mountaintop to the empty cup
From the waiting to those who have received
We cry out as one

We still believe
We still believe
We're still surrendering our hearts
Your faithfulness is our reward

We still believe
We still believe
And though the journey has been hard
We will confess your goodness, God
We still believe

From the reborn hope to the weary soul
From the quest for truth to those who seek
From the soaring wings to the shattered dream
From the broken to those who have been healed
We cry out as one

We still believe
We still believe
We're still surrendering our hearts
Your faithfulness is our reward

We still believe
We still believe
And though the journey has been hard
We will confess your goodness, God
We still believe

Through the fire, through the pain
We offer you our yes again

Through the fire, through the pain
We offer you our yes again

The Least of These

2010-10-18T13:45:00.002-05:00

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Galatians:5:13-14

The River Youth have been exploring what it means to "truly love your neighbor as yourself" on Sunday nights. Its been a challenging message for both the teens and for the adults. It has really caused me to question my own motives and actions. How many times have I judged someone based on how they look or their circumstance? I ashamedly admit that I have and if we are all honest, everyone of us have done the same thing. When I see someone on the corner begging for money, why is my first reaction to question if he is really poor? When I deal with rude people at the grocery store, why do I get irritated instead of praying that God will touch them? Our neighbors are not just the parents that we share a conversation at the bus stop, or who happen to have a lawn that butts up to ours. They are the hurting, the broken, the lost, the hungry and the homeless. They are the teen mothers who struggle with the decision to keep their babies. They are the men who lost their jobs and have no where to turn except to the streets. They are the women who are worn out and tired as they go from one job to the next just to keep food on the table for their little ones. Most of all, they are the children that God cares for and KNOWS BY NAME. When we reach out to least of these, when we love the unlovable, we are serving Christ. I hope that you will walk away this week challenged to make a difference in our community and in our world. Whether that means going to Haiti to serve the people there, or that means donating shampoo or toiletries to a local mission, DO SOMETHING. When we serve in love, we are giving God the ultimate form of worship.

Don't Die in the Drought

2010-09-27T13:02:00.002-05:00

"I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent." Revelation 3:1b-3a

Right before the drought that has hit our area of the country, I bought quite a few plants for a flowerbed off of our patio. One of them being a Gardenia. Gardenias are beautiful plants with full blooms but they are also very stubborn. They only like so much sun, need lots of water and even are particular on the temperatures they will bloom in. When the drought set in, I wasn't very mindful of the grass and even much of the flowers. I figured eventually it would rain and they would be fine. Some of them were. The Gardenia plant, on the other hand, is a far cry from o.k. It is pretty close to death. Even though I watered it occasionally (which kept the rest of the plants alive) I didn't give it the time and amount of sustainable water it needed. I am not sure how much longer it will last, but I am holding on hope that it will make it.
Our spiritual lives can be similar to that Gardenia. Some of us do just enough to get by (go to church, say a prayer before a meal) and that might sustain us for a while. It could potentially sustain us for years. The problem is, without growth, without taking the time to really nurture our faith, we can not live out our lives the way God intended. When we merely maintain our faith, we might be able to get through daily issues and even raise our kids to want to go to church. But, when the fire and drought come, we will find that what we have used to keep us feeling o.k. will not get us through the hard times. If we never learn to seek God earnestly and learn to do what He taught, we will wither away. If we want to learn to feed ourselves, we have to take time and effort. It means not just going to church, but being a part of a church whether its serving, being in a small group or other involvement. We need to not just pray at our meals, but seek Him we need direction, thank Him for his many blessings and cry out to Him when we are suffering. We need to find ways to help us grow in our walk with Christ. I hope that this week, you will search out areas in your spiritual life that need tending to.

Empowerment by pen

2010-09-24T12:48:00.003-05:00

Today, I finally feel like I am able to have a voice. Yes, it may fall into the sea of other voices calling out for help, but I am praying that the right person will open my letters and be called to action. I drafted letters to David Lowman, CEO of Chase Mortgage, Candace Miller the U.S. Representative for the state of MI (who also happens to have her office a few miles from our home there) and the President himself. On top of that, I emailed Channel 4 Detroit and Channel 7 Action News AND the White House. If nothing comes of it, then I suppose that is the way God wants it, but the need to do something to get our story and struggle out there is far too great to sit aside and just take it. We'll see!

And so it continues....

2010-09-23T12:33:00.003-05:00

Our saga with Chase Mortgage continues with another wonderful twist. We were contacted today by the Title Co (who has worked their butt off dealing with the bank) and were told that after arguing with Chase Mortgage for two hours with the newest negotiator assigned to the case, Chase was standing firm that we make a surplus of money. The issue the "negotiator" (I use that term very loosely in this case) fails to understand is that when this process began a year and a half ago, Todd didn't even HAVE a job. In fact, I was only working part time. The issue is not that we make more money (OBVIOUSLY!!), the issue is that we live in a different state-almost five hours away- and our home is not even worth half of what we owe on it! Yes, we make more money, but we don't have much of anything in savings and our paychecks are being used to sustain us in a rental home down here. We have been bringing in the same income since February of this past year. They have the paystubs from almost every month since May 2009. Its very obvious to anyone opening the file (I assume they open it), that we make more money now. We both are working. Period. Our real estate agent has now suggested that we get a lawyer involved. At this point, I think that's our only hope of any movement on Chase's end. Meanwhile, we have heard nothing about the Sheriff Sale and if that in fact did take place. In some ways I hope that it did and that the home sold for as little as possible. Then Chase can pat themselves on the back and congratulate themselves for a job "well-done".
Grrrr......

An Open letter to Chase Bank

2010-09-17T09:50:00.002-05:00

Dear Chase Bank,
Nine years ago, my husband and I purchased our first home where we had grown up in Michigan. It was a small "starter" home in a great neighborhood and even though it would push us to our monthly allowance limit, we decided the investment was worth it. We raised our two kids there, took great care of the property and home including renovating it. We loved that house. Jump ahead 8 years and our home had now lost half of its value, foreclosed homes surround us and to top it off, my husband was laid off. We struggled for 3 months to pay our mortgage and finally out of desperation, in May of 2009 we put our beloved home up for sale. We had no choice but to go through a short sale because of its hugely declined value so we did everything we were asked to do; send in paper work, fix it up, and with in two weeks, we had FIVE offers. You waited 3 months to even look at the offers and when you finally decided to do something about them, every one of the buyers had walked away. By this time it was July and my husband was offered a job in another state, so while trying to pack up our belongings and with boxes everywhere, we once again put the home up for sale. Within one week, another offer came in. We were thrilled, moved out of the house to Ohio and moved into a rental down there. In November of 2009, you still had done nothing to approve the offer and once again, we were left without a buyer. In January of 2010, we got several CASH offers on the house. We thought, "Oh good! Maybe Chase will take them!". NO. You not only waited 8 months, but we are STILL waiting for you to close. The buyer offered the exact amount you said you would only take and yet here we sit, in September of 2010 and our home is scheduled to go up for auction tomorrow while you sit deciding which negotiator to assign to our case. We have sent our pay stubs, tax returns and letters to you within a DAY of you requesting them over 10 times in the past year and a half. We have jumped through every hoop, every obstacle and yet you refuse to help us. You got a huge share of money from the government to help bail you out. Where does that leave us? In what way have you done anything to help those who are struggling financially and ask for help? Those like us, who have to leave the state to find work and leave behind our home as well? I think the problem is this: you don't care. Its that simple. You truly don't care about your customers. I am sorry that you feel the need to selfishly fill your pockets with government money and yet can not extend a hand to simply close on a sale of a home that we left over a year ago. I really hope that one day, your corporation will open its eyes and see the human beings it is affecting by its stupidity, ignorance and plain disregard for those hurting.

Sincerely,
Kimberly Porter

Throwing up and Hard Parenting

2009-11-02T21:10:00.003-05:00

During the transition of finding an administrative job, I was able to land a temporary job at a locally owned Halloween store. Halloween has never been a favorite holiday of mine.I wasn't always allowed to celebrate it so although we let our kids dress up and go out for candy, I could honestly take it or leave it. To even make things worse, when asked in the interview what my favorite Halloween movie was, my only response I could give was "Its the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown".

I think the owner did well to hide his smirk!

While working at the store, I was able to make a lot of observations about people. It was always interesting to see what kind of costumes individuals would ask for. Sometimes, it was very hard not to laugh. The best was the very large man who wanted to know if we had a Little Bo Peep costume that would fit him! Not a visual I wanted! One older gentleman came in looking for a Darth Vader costume. He was like a little kid in a candy store and I couldn't help but get sentimental as he told me about his collection of Star Wars memorabilia and how his boys always like Star Wars when they were little. Sometimes, it was the older women who surprised me. Some wanted to be clowns, some tried on costumes that no decent woman should wear in public and yet others were looking for blood and cleavers! After a while, nothing seemed to faze me. (Well, maybe the stripper buying shoes did throw me a curve ball...)

The most influential observation that I made, was the dynamic of parents and their daughters. Many of the costumes for women in our store were very "sexy". I had young girls grabbing those costumes to try on and it made my heart sink every time. My only saving grace was that they would usually ask my opinion and I would always try to steer them to a more conservative outfit. One day, a mother and her two teen daughters came in. I caught them as they were just going into the fitting room and when I saw that the younger daughter had picked up some of "those" costumes, I volunteered getting some from the teen section instead. The mother's first reaction was to put off my suggestion and tell me "matter of factly" that her daughter was large busted and would not fit in them anyway. Her daughter proceeded to model costume after costume which seemed to get increasingly worse. As I watched her daughter come out in a "boxer" costume which consisted of a bra top, low, short skirt and a robe, I finally could not resist anymore and asked,

"How old is your daughter?"

She quickly answered "eleven".

Eleven.

I could only sputter out something about having a twelve year old that was not "curvy" yet. Inside, I wanted to throw up.

The mom continued to watch her young, eleven year old show off her "assets" in costume after costume and ask, "Which one do you like best, Sweetie?"
I was only relieved a little bit when she walked out with one of the lesser "showy" costumes. I said a silent prayer for that young girl.

About a week later, a mother, father, and three daughters came in. The oldest daughter looked about eighteen so it didn't surprise me that she was also drawn to the more "adult" costumes. She finally settled on a Pirate dress that for the most part covered everything. It was a bit short but nothing that some dark tights couldn't fix. Her father didn't even get a full glance at her before he firmly said, "Absolutely not!".

I wanted to hug him.

It wasn't that the costume was "bad", it was that he felt that his daughter needed to be held to higher standards. She was a precious jewel and he wanted to protect her. I was so jubilant even as she pouted for a short moment.

It was then that I realized how thankful I am for the dad I have. I used to get so frustrated with him when he would rant about two piece bathing suits being like "bras and underwear". But later, I realized that he was not trying to be strict for the purpose of ruining my life, it was to simply protect me.

My heart goes out to the thousands and thousands of young eleven, twelve and eighteen year old young women who don't have a father or mother who will hold them to higher standards. "Bravo" to the moms who teach their daughters that they need to protect what is precious and to the dads who make their teenager girls change their clothes when they come down in that really short skirt. We live in a society that too often teaches young women that they are only valuable when they show off "what they have". What a lie they live with. I am so thankful that our daughter has a natural desire to be conservative. Since she was very little we have had talks about being appropriate and not showing things that should not be seen. I know that means different things to different people, but I think if we as parents learn to address those issues early on, we can set something into motion that hopefully our daughters will take with them as they begin to make those decisions on their own.

I know the clothing battle period is only beginning between Hannah and I, but I am ready to stand up and be the "strict, mean mom" if necessary. I know her dad is even MORE willing! I pray that I won't have to fight too many battles, but I will face a thousand if it means my daughter will learn to protect the precious jewel she is. In the meantime, I will be praying for those girls who will have to learn that lesson on their own.

Its been a ride!

2009-09-07T14:20:00.003-05:00

Somehow, I did not realize that it had been so long since I last posted. I figured I should give an update to those of you who thought we fell off the face of the planet!

We landed in Southern Ohio the first full week of August. We faced loss of electricity the last night in the old house, severe weather on the way down and the highest humidity and heat all summer! It was crazy, but arriving at our new home and coming in to a house full of people ready to help us unpack was such a huge blessing! Some of the faces were familiar, others we had never met before, still all of them were there to lend their strength and sweat. We owe so much to those individuals but even more to our friends, Jim and Jeff who drove the truck and traveled all the way down with us, only to turn around and go back in one day. Thanks, Guys!

The first week, my goal was to get rid of the boxes. I had had enough of those darn cardboard nuisances surrounding me at the old house and I was anxious to find a place for everything in the new place. Slowly, things came together and after a few trips to Ikea (okay, maybe more than a few), we had most everything in place.

Our first Sunday at The River, a group of U of M fans all dressed in maize and blue to support Todd coming on staff. It was fun but also a great peak at the support that we had already at the church. We were prayed for and embraced and even though things felt new and so very different, it also began to feel like family.

The kids started school August 26th and it couldn't have come sooner. Hannah got down opening her locker and navigating the hallways of Junior School and Caleb seemed very confident finding his upstairs 5th grade classroom. Both of the kids took a few days to begin making friends, but it was Caleb who struggled the most. He left a great group of boys back in Michigan whom he spent everyday with and now, with school in session, he was hit with the reality that we were really living here. He had several plans on how we could move back to Michigan which he laid out often on our way to and from the bus stop. It broke my heart because I knew he really was just missing his friends. The following week, a quiet boy across the street came over to see if Caleb wanted to play and they have been buddies every since. Hannah had the advantage that our neighbor two doors down goes to our church and also happens to have a 7th grade daughter. It didn't take long for them to connect and now the daily routine after school is having both girls in my kitchen looking for a snack and then upstairs to do homework together. I LOVE it!

Todd has been doing a great job connecting with the students, parents and other staff members and couldn't be happier. He is right where he belongs and after being out of his calling for a few years, he is full of energy, vision and ready to move forward with some great ideas. Fortunately, he had a wonderful group of adult volunteers to go along side him as well.

Besides, working on getting our home in order, I have been sending out resumes here and there. There are not many jobs around here, so I am trying to be patient and trust God that He will put me where I need to be. Meanwhile, I have been busy entertaining guests in our home for meetings as well as three weekends in a row of house guests! I love connecting our Michigan family and friends with our new Ohio family. It helps the transition a bit too. For those of you who know my passion for singing in church, I have been in touch with the worship leader here, and plan on attending rehearsals this week. I really can't wait to get back into it! I am also slowly formulating a schedule and teams for the youth worship team so that they can have some better organization too.

Overall, I have to admit that it still feels a bit like being on vacation with all of our "stuff", yet as I learn to drive to a store without needing the GPS or I get a better idea of where to get groceries or the nearest Walmart, I realize that Ohio is gradually becoming more like home. As I reflect on where God has taken us this year, I am still in awe. From Todd losing his job in January, to our interview in TX and then to being close to losing our home without knowing where we would end up, I could clearly feel God's hand on all of it. I honestly can say that His peace has been the constant in the chaos that surrounded us. There are many more adventures ahead as our church now starts a search for a new senior pastor (yes, that was a surprise as well!) but we are ready for whatever is thrown our way as long as God is in it. For now, we are strapping on our safety belts and raising our hands in anticipation for an awesome ride!

God said "Yes"

2009-07-12T22:05:00.002-05:00

I have been holding off posting for quite a while now because I was hoping to wait until I could write this particular blog. For those of you who have been down this very long road with us, I think you will be most happy to know that God has finally pulled back the fog and revealed to us where He is leading. Since Todd left his position as a part time youth pastor 4 years ago, we have held onto the promise that God would put him into ministry full-time. Back then, we thought it was around the corner so we put our home up for sale, sent out resume upon resume, and got ready to go where He lead. God had other plans. He chose to instead, give us four wonderful years of stretching, learning and growing in a deeper faith. We took our home off the market and got plugged into an amazing church. It was painful at times, felt lonely many times but through every step, God has never left us. Even when it felt like He was never going to move, He would reassure us that He wasn't done working yet.

In January, when Todd lost his job, we really felt that the time had come. We had no idea what was ahead but we had an excitement. God showed Himself incredibly as our every need was taken care of even when we had no idea how we would make it to the next week. In the midst of it all, God was setting into motion what will soon take place. Its so overwhelming to think that our prayers are being answered and that God cared so much about us that He took his time to prepare the church He wanted for us.

In August, we will be heading down to a beautiful area in Ohio, where Todd will take the position as youth pastor at a wonderful church called The River Church. We are so excited, nervous and overwhelmed with gratitude as we prepare to move down there. The sale on our home should be finalized soon and we have even secured a beautiful rental that still overwhelms me when I look at it! As we have had the chance to get to know a few people from our new church, we have been even more at peace with the process. I think we will be right at home in no time.

With all of that said, it will still be an emotional "goodbye". Todd and I will be leaving behind our parents and brothers and we will miss having them so close by. We also hate to leave the people we have come to love in our church and our dear friends who have stuck by us. There will be a lot of tears but behind all of them I know will be the knowledge that God is in all of this.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

The Prince Charming Syndrome

2009-05-24T20:18:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl my absolute favorite musical was "Rogers and Hammerstein's, Cinderella". Not the more current version with Brandy as Cinderella, but the older (perhaps cheesier) version with Leslie Ann Warren. I knew all of the songs and scenes. I would go into our basement with a few friends who would graciously play the parts of the evil step sisters and reenact the moment when I, Cinderella, first spot the prince at the ball. I loved that glimmer in their eyes, the pause and speechless anticipation as she gently glides down the staircase and joins hands with the prince (who swiftly sweeps her onto the dance floor). It was magical.

I recently was in a conversation with a close friend about the process of figuring out which church is the "ONE". I think part of me is expecting this magical breathtaking moment where we will just "know" its where we are suppose to go. We have had some that felt like the "one" and others that just didn't do anything for us. My friend finally asked something so simple, yet so very profound. She said, "Do you remember when you would dream of the moment when you would finally meet the one you were going to marry? Did you believe, like most little girls, that it would be 'love at first sight'? Do you think that perhaps you are expecting the same thing with finding the right church?" It seems so immature to think that way, yet I really think she was right. I AM expecting "love at first sight". Another pastor friend of ours told Todd that sometimes is not about feeling peace, but about doing God's will, no matter how it feels. I think our heads and hearts were in the expectation that our feelings will just tell us where to go but the truth is, feelings are not always reliable. Sometimes, they reflect too much of our flesh and selfishness. Sometimes, they just reveal our preconceived ideas or perceptions. They are not always tied up closely to God's will.

This new revelation does not make our task any easier, but it gives me a different perception. In some ways, its even a relief. It takes the focus off of me and onto truly seeking God's will. It means that if I feel "bad" about a situation or maybe just "uneasy" I don't need to focus on that. I just need to keep my eyes steady on the path that He is making and follow obediently. If it means things may be uncomfortable then I'll be a bit uncomfortable knowing that the God who formed me and knows my deepest desires also loves me more than I could imagine and wants the very best for me.

Music Meme

2009-05-24T17:41:00.002-05:00

So, My friend, Adam, tagged me in this random "fill in the blank" questionnaire.

Here is my attempt and what you need to do:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool!

Opening Credits: Not to Us -Chris Tomlin

Waking Up: How Great is Our God -Chris Tomlin

First Day At School: Yakety Yak-The Coasters

Falling In Love: Mele Kalikimaka- Bing Crosby (If you know this song you are officially cool!)

Fight Song: Prodical -Casting Crowns

Breaking Up: The Christmas Song -Vince Guaraldi

Prom: While you were sleeping -Casting Crowns (Is that inappropriate??:)

Life: Never Give Up- Darlene Zschech (Hey, I like that!)

Mental Breakdown: America- Chris Tomlin (LOL)

Driving: Have a Nice Day -Bon Jovi (Awesome driving song!)

Flashback: White Christmas -Bing Crosby

Getting Back Together: Amazing - Matt Redman (I guess if it was a bad break up this would be true!)

Wedding: Overflow - Chris Tomlin (I seem to see a theme with Chris going here)

Birth of Child: Lifesong -Casting Crowns (wow that one fits good too!)

Final Battle: Satisfy - Tenth Avenue North

Death Scene: Unchanging- Chris Tomlin (Yep, I have to agree with that.)

Funeral Song: Till I See You -Hill Song (Appropriate!)

Remembrance Song: Never Say Never -The Fray

End Credits: Come let us Worship -Chris Tomlin

I’m tagging Lisabeth, Michelle and Amy T.

Rainbow in the Midst of the Storm

2009-05-08T19:14:00.002-05:00

This evening, Hannah and I were planting some Marigolds in the flowerbeds to add color for our ninth showing at our house tomorrow. I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I only bought a small amount, but it was amazing what a difference they made. Just as I got to the last flowerbed, thunder began to roll in and so I frantically planted the rest and hurried inside. A few minutes later, the wind began to blow, rain began to pelt the ground and the fresh crisp scent of spring filled the house. Safely inside, I enjoyed just watching from the window as the new flowers got their first taste of rainwater. It was euphoric.

As we have struggled through the last five months, I have been amazed how that same feeling has been with me. I know that we are facing so much "unknown" and I can hear the thunder and see the storms rolling in, yet, I feel safe. Safe inside, protected from the wind and rain and noise. Instead of trying to dodge each obstacle, it has become increasingly like we are just able to sit back and watch God move. I suppose there are many people who go through their entire lives being able to see God visibly maneuver. We have not had that privilege. For the longest time, we have been praying with no answers. Waiting, with no end in sight. But lately, that has changed. As we have let go of the things we have taken for granted, a job, a house, we have been given small glimpses of God doing something. I am still not sure where we will be in three months, but I know God has something planned for us. And even more, I am at peace with whatever that is.

In the middle of the rain, I glanced outside again and caught sight of a stunning burst of color in the sky. The rainbow stretched in a giant arch over the distant horizon and I grabbed the camera to capture the moment. I was so caught up with the excitement, that I barely noticed the rain that was quickly soaking one half of me. It was a beautiful moment.

I am so hopeful that soon, we too, will see our "rainbow". I can sense its coming. And I can't even imagine the joy we will feel when it finally breaks out across our lives.

We are ready.

Here's the Scoop!

2009-04-25T18:33:00.003-05:00

Last week, Todd and I finally made the call that we have been talking about making for a few months now. We called a real estate agent. Since, Todd lost his job in January, we have known that this step was on the horizon. We love our home, but we also love having food and electricity and clothes and.. well, you get the idea. We have had wonderful people get us through the last few months and so we were able to keep up with the bills, but we can't expect other families to sacrifice on our behalf forever. We can not realistically pay our mortgage between what little I bring home and what small amount unemployment gives. We have been actively talking about putting our house up for sale for the last few weeks and the more we talked, the more at peace we felt about it.

We met with a friend of ours, who also happens to be in real estate and talked things over with him. It seems that our house is now worth about 50% less than what we bought it for seven years ago. Yes FIFTY percent. Because we were one of those "lucky" homeowners who got sucked into an ARM loan, we had to refinance and that put our mortgage amount up as well. In order to sell our home, we will have to ask for a "short sale" which is basically when the bank agrees to take less than what you owe on your loan. This process can take three to eight months and since we still have to find a buyer, we decided that the best decision is to put the house on the market now.

Our biggest prayer is that by the time we are ready to move out, Todd will have another job and we can move into a new place at that time. If he doesn't, my in laws have opened their home to us and we will stay there for a little while. Either way, I am not concerned about where we will be. Amazingly, God has given us so much peace that even the idea of not seeing what is ahead doesn't bring fear. It can be frustrating because we can't make plans more than one month at a time, but I think its been a great place to be. If we only have tomorrow to look at, there is no worry for the long term. In the mean time, we hope that our home will find new owners who will love to live here just as much as we did. We are so thankful that we were blessed with this house.

I'm Ready Now

2009-03-26T12:09:00.003-05:00

There is a song that I have been listening to quite a lot lately. The Desperation Band's song "Ready Now" resonates so deeply within me that I can't help but get emotional every time I listen to it. It is the cry of my heart, the longing deep inside my soul to be used by God. I hope that if you are in the "waiting period" in your life that this speaks to you too.

Not Half Dead

2009-02-24T13:06:00.008-05:00

Shadow, the hamster, at a younger time.

Shadow at over 2 years old.

Two years ago, a friend of ours told me a hamster she had just bought surprisingly gave birth a few days after she brought it home. She had several small gray babies that needed a home and being the softy that I am, I agreed to take one. The kids have had hamsters in the past and after the initial excitement faded, I was left with the care of the new pet. This was the case once again with our new addition. "Shadow" made her home in a wire cage in Hannah's room but after several months of loud chewing and wheel turnings in the night, she had to be relocated to the laundry room pantry. Since then, Shadow has had a home on top of the pantry. Not a great place for a family pet, but she doesn't seem to mind. The highlight of her day was when I came to "visit". She would immediately come over to the door and wait for whatever "treat" (usually a fresh veggie or a small slice of fruit) I came to offer her. She would take it as fast as she could from me and scurry off to enjoy her new treasure.

The last few weeks, Shadow has really begun to show her age. Her eyes are clearly not picking up images right in front of her, her back is humped and her now faded hair is falling out in clumps, exposing the wrinkled flaky skin underneath. She is not a pretty sight at all. When I bring her treats now, she does not see them well and I have scared her more than once when I placed them beside her. Last night, I blew on her gently to get her attention and she squealed and jumped up in the air! Although I look forward to the day when I can get rid of the falling apart cage and stop changing the bedding inside, I can not get myself to end the poor thing's life. My brother in law and father in law had very "creative" ideas on how to "end" things (I won't mention them to spare those of you who are small animal lovers), but the only avenue I have considered is taking her to the vet and asking them to put her to "sleep". Even that option makes me feel bad. We have never had to make decisions like this, our pets have always peacefully passed away. Now, some unknown compassion for this little creature has caused me to hesitate to make the decision.

Maybe its because when I look at Shadow, I am reminded a bit of Todd and I's life right now. We have never had a lot of money or a big house. We drive a modest leased vehicle and an old used Honda. We don't have all of the latest technology or been able to go on big vacations, but we have never really cared. Not that we wouldn't appreciate some of those things, but its never been something that we felt driven to achieve. We have been happy to simply exist up on the "pantry" and live life together as a family. Our "treats" were the special times we went out to eat at a restaurant or went to the movies. Now, with Todd unemployed, our home value decreased by almost $60,000 and the desire to get back in ministry still weighing heavily on Todd, we are starting to feel a bit drained of life.

When I look at our hamster, Shadow, I feel her pain as she adjusts to not being able to see quite where she is going. I look at her exposed skin and think how uncomfortable it must be without the warmth of the fur she used to know. And then I reflect on the dark and uncomfortable journey we have been on as well.

Last night, I took out our camera, determined to capture the last images of our Shadow. I wanted to be able to show a few people how pathetic she looked now. When I looked back at the pictures I took, I was actually surprised that they didn't quite capture the ugliness of what I saw. She may be losing hair, but her small black eyes seemed to somehow distract you from what she was missing. It made me think that perhaps she wasn't quite the sight I thought she had become. Certainly, there are much worse ways to die as a hamster. She doesn't have a huge tumor on her back or have her teeth grow so long she is unable to eat. She is simply living in a body that has slowly been used to capacity.

I realize that at times, I look at our situation and feel like our dreams are "half dead". I get so caught up in the ugliness of what I feel and see around me and see only what has been taken away. Maybe, I need to look at what we still have. We still have our beautiful kids, transportation, a roof over our head and most of all our faith in a Father who will never fail us. He cares about us soooo much more than I could ever care about a dying pet. He knows our desires and needs and I believe that He has our very best future planned out for us. As much as I lose the desire to keep plugging on and endure this dark, uncomfortable state of living, I know that, unlike our little Shadow, there is something so much better in store.

We just have to keep moving forward.

"No" Once again

2009-02-10T17:24:00.004-05:00

Its funny, I feel like I could copy and paste a few previous blogs in order to write what I am feeling right now. After we returned from our trip last week, I was really excited, but the past few days, I have had so much anxiety over whether or not Todd would be chosen. I felt so much dread and I just put the feelings up to the previous times Todd has been turned down. I thought that I was just being negative and so I was constantly praying and asking God to help me relax and anticipate a "yes". Todd told me after the phone call from TX that he had been feeling the same way. Not surprisingly then, when our dread turned to reality. The wonderful church we hoped to go down and join had chosen the other candidate over Todd. The main reason being that he was already Methodist, unlike Todd. It is heart breaking. I am so overcome with grief.

I have never known the feeling of loosing a baby through miscarriage and I know the pain we are going through is nowhere as intense as the loss of a child, but the process reminds me of what we have experienced over the last 3 years. When a man and woman are anticipating a new baby, they are excited, they plan, announce their joy with those they love and pray for the baby's safe arrival. They have their whole lives rearranged as they prepare for a child that will change everything they ever knew. Then the dream dies. They feel the pain and shame of losing something so dear. All the plans and arrangements are in vain, and they are left feeling empty and broken.

We now feel very empty and broken. The dream we have prayed so hard for just doesn't ever seem to grow full-term. Time after time, its "miscarried" and we are left to start over. In the past, Todd had a job to go back to, but this time, he does not. That makes it all more frightening. My instincts want to shout out "I quit!". I want to run away from all of this and start over somewhere far away and forget that God ever called Todd into ministry. Its just too painful. Too full of rejection. But my heart says that God still has a plan. As much as I want to throw my hands up and say "I surrender", I just can't. I don't want to go through another interview with a committee. I don't want to fly out to visit a church and fall in love with it, just to be heart broken again. I don't want to plan our future around a dream that just never seems to be fulfilled. But I know we have to. I have to mourn for today but tomorrow get back up and brush my knees off and get ready to face whatever comes next.

Its not going to be easy, but we will do it like each time before this one.

AHHHHHHHHH!

2009-02-09T14:02:00.003-05:00

My title pretty much sums up what I am feeling at this moment. What a ride we have been on lately! My last blog was about how God was providing for us in amazing ways. Well, He didn't end there! That same week, Todd sent a resume to a church in Texas and the next day, he was called by the pastor for an over the phone interview. The conversation went really well and Todd was very hopeful that they might fly him out there for a face to face meeting. Saturday night, the pastor sent Todd an email asking when we could come out. We were shocked! We quickly made childcare arrangements and instead of celebrating my birthday the following weekend, we flew out to College Station, Texas to visit the church. After a great weekend (see Todd's blog for more details), we came back home excited and in high hopes that Todd would be chosen for the director of student and college age position.

This past weekend, another candidate came to the church and had his opportunity to make an impression. I have fought the desire to hope the worst for him :) and instead have been praying that he might discover that the church is not a place he wants to minister at. I thought that was a safe prayer. Most of all, I am praying that Todd stand out as the best candidate when it comes to his heart for teens and college students and his desire for them to know God. I admit that the idea of going so far is scary and overwhelming, but if this is what God has planned, I will embrace it wholeheartedly. We have been asking God to guide us down the path He wants us on and though until now it has been a dark road, we are expecting great things when we finally arrive at our destination.

Trusting One Day at a Time

2009-01-23T20:21:00.002-05:00

I had no idea what truth I spoke when I said that we needed to take things one day at a time. We have now completed week one of Todd's lay off and God has been truly supplying our needs before we even have them. Last week, we were given a grocery gift card from an anonymous person in our church two days before Todd was laid off. At the time, I thought, "We don't deserve this! There are families that don't have jobs that need it more than us." Then, we found out we were one of those families.

Last Saturday, while making breakfast, I told God that it was okay if we had to eat eggs for dinner more often. They were cheap and besides, we liked them. The next day, a wonderful woman dropped by bread and treats from a bakery as well as one dozen eggs. She told me that the Lord told her to bring us a dozen eggs. I was dumb-founded.

This past week, we received Todd's last paycheck and just as I was starting to fold to the stress that kept creeping in, we received a card from someone else in the church with a check inside. Then, Todd got a call from a friend who needed some help with a side job. We now have enough money to get us through next week as well as grocery money. I can't even begin to explain how overwhelmed with gratitude I am.

For so long, it had felt like my prayers fell into a pit of emptiness. I have spent the last four years asking God to please tell us what to do and until now, I never got an answer. I believe that He is simply telling us to trust Him to supply our needs one day at a time. Even though, I want to look at what is coming next, I know that I need to rely on Him to take care of tomorrow.

As I reflect on this whole experience, I've realized that God has not been ignoring me. As much as I have wanted Todd to return to ministry, I got comfortable with the stability of Todd's job, our home and our church. It was such a slow transformation, that I had no idea what changes were going on in my heart. Now, I realize that perhaps God needed to shake us up a bit so that He can get us past our comfort and onto the next step. I believe its already working!

I know that I should be afraid knowing that we will have to make hard decisions regarding everything from bills to pay to whether we can keep our home long term, but I'm not. I am actually really excited to see what He is going to do next.

I just have to get past today.

Numb

2009-01-17T20:10:00.004-05:00

The last day in a half has been very overwhelming. We have been expecting this for quite some time, yet, somehow my mind really couldn't grasp the reality that Todd would be out of a job. For some time now, we have been surrounded by friends, family and co workers who have lost their jobs due to the down turn in the economy. Until now, we had been hanging on to the hope that maybe we would be able to tread water and survive. Unfortunately, we were wrong. I am so scared, overwhelmed and full of questions yet at the same time, my heart breaks for my in laws who have put their lives into this business. My father in law named the company "Banner Broach" because he liked the verse "His banner over me is love" (Song of Solomon 2:4). In these last few months I have been reminding God of this (as though He needs reminders) and claiming that verse for the company. I know that God cares for His own and I know that His banner of protection and love can redeem what is left of the company. I just wish I knew if that is His plan.

In regards to Todd and I, this new situation has brought more uncertainty. We have gone through an amazing journey these last four years of hoping, praying, weeping and even sometimes begging God to open a door for Todd to return to ministry. We have put all of our trust in the faith that He is preparing us for what He has in store. We have prayed many prayers of thanks for the home we have, jobs we have, the church we attend, but we have gotten little or no answers to what is next. Todd and I are both so anxious to move on the path God has planned for us, yet He has not allowed us to move. Maybe this will be the final step before God does something big. If so- we are ready. But maybe this could also be another trial we need to conquer before we are ready. I don't know. I do know this: God loves us and won't leave us.

That is what is pulling me through the pile of unknowns and "what ifs".

2008-Remembering the Past

2009-01-01T14:45:00.002-05:00

This past year was pretty average compared with many of the years previous. We didn't take any big trips, have any job changes or thankfully suffer any injuries too major to mention. Yet, 2008 was still one to remember. Here's what it looked like...

January- I celebrated my 32nd birthday. My second blog of January, though, was one that still hits home. I quoted the words of Robbie Seay Band's song, "New Day" and realized that a new year doesn't always mean a new start for everyone.

February-Gosh I posted a lot! We had huge furnace issues after a company came in and "cleaned" it. I had to endure the fact that our daughter is getting older and then had even more in depth searching as I received a revelation while observing our parakeet.

March- One of my posts dealt with the question of the cyber world making it more and more difficult to have true relationships with others.

April- Caleb and I had Mommy and Son time at a Tigers Game and then we contemplated how to use the government rebate most of us were eagerly waiting for.

May- We conquered the rotting bathroom and had the opportunity to travel to Colorado to visit with Todd's sister. It was my first trip there and I really had a nice time.

June- We finished our bathroom (I still can't believe how it looks now!) then, Hannah had her dance recital.

July- We went to Manistee to camp and enjoy the sun. I had a few goofy posts that were fun to write too! Sadly, it was also the month my Dad was let go of his 35 years at Ford Motor Co.

August- We were able to enjoy the first fruits of my garden, we took a fun trip to Greenfield Village and I even did a few OOPs that month.

September- The kids were back to their old routine (last year of elementary for Hannah!)then I blogged about a proud moment I had.

October- Caleb started flag football for the first time! I also had a scary moment with what I thought was my heart. Between all of that, I participated in a fun skit at church. My biggest quest that month was what it meant to truly love like God loves.

November- Todd and I took a trip to Northern Michigan where Todd performed the ceremony for a former student in his youth group. It was a beautiful place and a wonderful weekend for just the two of us.

December- I celebrated with Todd our 13th wedding anniversary! We also had a holiday with very mixed emotions.

Now, with 2009 upon us, I am back to where 2008 began. I have no idea what lays ahead but I know that God will get us through whatever is to come. I'm ready!

Happy New Year!

Christmas is almost here!

2008-12-23T11:52:00.004-05:00

This Christmas has been very different from those in the past. Some things have been much more meaningful and joyful and other things, just darn right depressing. Its no revelation that the economy stinks, and since Todd and I work for a manufacturing company, things are pretty scary. We are a small company, so we don't have many employees to begin with, but when you are down to five employees receiving weekly paychecks, it gives you a big reality check. As of this coming Sunday, Todd may be laid off, which will mean that he will be spending a small part of the holidays filing for unemployment. We know that those checks do not cover much, so that will mean that bills will not be paid, gas will have to be conserved and finding a fun activity to do on Christmas break as a family will have to consist of zero dollars spent. This is the first year that I am not looking forward to the break, mainly for that reason. Its a little stressful.

Then I think about the wonderful things we have experienced this Christmas season. Todd and I bought an Advent book and wreath this year and decided to start a tradition of celebrating Advent together. Every evening after our dinner plates are nearly empty, we light a candle on the wreath and read together. Being that this is the first year, we did not adequately plan for some of the activities, but the ones we did decide to do were really fun. My favorite was volunteering at a Salvation Army camp "Breakfast with Santa" as a family. We did the simple task of serving drinks to the families there, but it really meant a lot to see our kids participating with joy (even with a little competition! lol). I really want Hannah and Caleb to grow up with the idea that Christmas is much more than celebrating the birth of Christ, but also its about finding ways to show God's love to others. I hope this tradition stick with us for a very long time.

Now just to end with a little fun, I posted some Christmas questions that my friend, Amy posted on her blog. Feel free to steal the idea too!

*What is one of the best presents you’ve given someone else?

I think that the gift we just gave someone today might rank up there with one of the best. Todd's family put together some money and we gave an employee at work a gift card for a local grocery store. His wife has been ill for a very long time and they are struggling. At first, I honestly struggled with wanting to participate because I knew we will really need any extra money to make ends meet, but then I was reminded of all of the times that God blessed us when we needed it most. I pray that God would use this gift to really show this couple how much God loves them.

*Let’s talk Santa. Did you believe in him as child? How did you find out he’s not real?

I never believed in Santa. My parents decided not to tell us he was real so I always knew he was pretend. Do I feel robbed? No, not at all. In fact, we didn't tell our kids that Santa was real either and I think they have just as much fun Christmas morning! :)

*Have you ever peeked at your presents before Christmas morning? If so, was it worth it? (And what did you discover?)

Yes I did. One Christmas I found most of my presents in my parents' closet and it was the worst Christmas morning ever. I loved what I got, but I have to pretend to be surprised with every gift I opened! I never did it again.

*What’s your fave Christmas song/Christmas movie/Christmas cookie?

I love "Santa Baby", "A Baby Changes Everything", and "Breath of Heaven". My favorite movie this year is "The Muppets' Christmas Carol". The best Christmas cookies are sugar cookies covered in icing and sprinkles!

*Every time I read the Gospels regarding Jesus’ birth, different things strike me about the absolute beauty of this event. What has struck you about Christ’s birth this year?

I think the thing that sticks out the most is the humanness of it all. That Christ was born as an infant to a young teen girl in a dirty, stinky place. That he chose to do it that way instead of coming from the sky and rescuing us all in a loud voice of thunder. Rather, he came into our world with a small helpless cry and then waited for us to discover the wonder of his birth and what it meant to us.

Bonus Question:: What’s your New Year’s resolution?

Well, since I was just diagnosed as having hypothyroidism and high cholesterol... I guess my resolution will be to find a lifestyle that will enable me to get healthier but not so extreme that I can't keep the lifestyle up after January 2nd.

Have a wonderful Christmas Holiday!

We're Teenagers!

2008-12-01T19:24:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow, my husband, Todd, and I will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary. Todd was a recent bible school graduate and I was a nineteen year old who had just finished my freshman year in college. It probably seemed pretty crazy to most of our friends that we were getting married so young, but Todd and I both knew it was what we were suppose to do. I have never regretted that decision either! We have both changed tremendously since that beautiful day. Our lives haven't always gone the path that we thought they would, but through God's grace and our determination, we have made the path together and are even more in love than we could ever have imagined. Todd is my best friend, lover and soul mate. He is everything I could have ever wanted in a husband and more than I deserve. I am so excited to see where God takes us in the coming years. No matter what road we are led on, I know that as long as we are together, the journey will be amazing.

Traverse City Trip

2008-11-13T08:18:00.003-05:00

Todd and I had the privileged to attend the wedding of a dear couple this last weekend. The bride, Laura, was a student in Todd's youth ministry and when she asked him to officiate the wedding, he jumped at the chance. We had a great time getting to know Laura's fiance', Eric, during the premarital counseling and when the "big" day arrived we couldn't have been happier for them.

Todd and I traveled up on Friday and thoroughly enjoyed spending time with both families. I always enjoy getting away, just the two of us, and even though we shared most of our time there with others, it still felt romantic to experience the whole thing together. Soon, we will be celebrating the anniversary of our own wedding 13 years ago.

The wedding took place in Sutton Bay (just outside of Traverse City) at the Black Star Farms. It was a quaint, beautifully decorated farm house that had such elegance and grace about it. Everything, from the winding staircase, to the black tile in the shape of a star in the entry way, made it clear that this home was maintained to its original brilliance with vigilance. The food was amazing (salmon and steak were the main courses for dinner), the wine and cheeses were made on site and we were able to share this great experience with some old friends to top it all off.

Though, the wedding and preparations seemed to last but a moment, I truly pray that Laura and Eric's marriage will last just like that spectacular home. Congrats, you two!

Took myself to the ER

2008-10-31T07:12:00.005-05:00

For the last three days, I have had very strong spasms in my chest that would not go away. I have had them before, but they were random and the longest they occurred was a few hours. After finally getting the courage to call my doctor's office, I was told by a nurse to take myself to the ER. I hate the ER so instead, I waited till the kids were home from school and went to an Urgent Care up the road. As soon as I told the receptionist why I was there, she told me in a whisper that the doctor there would only send me to the ER, so with reluctance, I went.

I have never done this on my own before, but Todd was on his way to Pittsburgh so I didn't have much choice. Honestly, I was really scared but I was determined to keep it together. The ER didn't seem too busy, but it still took an hour to get called for vitals. The nurse said everything seemed normal, but ordered an EKG to see if they could pin point what was going on. After the test, I had to sit for almost two hours twiddling my thumbs. I seriously thought about leaving before I was called, but I resisted and waited as patiently as I could. They had me put on a gown (these are the times when I think I should be more careful about what undergarments I wear :) and told me I could watch T.V. while I was waiting. I'd like to know who can really concentrate on what they are watching when they are in the ER? I watched the moving pictures on the screen and listened instead to the elderly woman in the hallway who repeatedly yelled "Help! Help me!" at the nurses who by this time were trying their very best to not show their frustration with her. She obviously had some mental disabilities brought on by her age and it was heartbreaking to sense how afraid she was. In some ways, it helped take the edge off of what I was feeling.

When the doctor came in he asked all sorts of questions and then looked at my EKG test. He said there was definitely an extra random heart beat there, but he was not sure why. Because I didn't have any other heart attack symptoms, he told me it was probably nothing to worry about, but offered to put me through more tests to see what was going on. I asked him what symptoms I should look for and then declined the tests after he told me the doctors office could perform them. It still took another 20 minutes for someone to release me so I was again subject to listening to the older lady yelling for help. I got my papers and quickly got out the door.

After picking up the kids from my mom (and a super rushed trip through Kroger), I went home and tried one suggestion of advice on the papers I received- Relax. Then, I remembered one of the things that the doctor said. He told me there was a slight chance that I had spasms in my esophagus caused by of all things- heartburn. Now, I have never heard of heartburn lasting three days (night and day) but since the spasms had not lessened I decided to take some Pepcid AC. One hour later, to my relief, the spasms stopped. I had a difficult time getting to sleep, because I was afraid they would return, but they haven't. I can't tell you how happy I am that it was only caused by heart burn! Though, I am disappointed I had to waste so much time at the hospital, I am very relieved that all is normal and that I don't have to go for further testing.

Thank you, God, for a quick answer to prayer!

Wrapping Ourselves for Christmas?

2008-10-26T19:23:00.005-05:00

This afternoon, Hannah and I had the opportunity to take advantage of a local theater's FREE Children's fall film festival. We went to see "Kit Kittredge" for the first time and I was not disappointed. Abigail Breslin plays "Kit", a spunky, bright, young girl that is stuck in the midst of the Depression and learns the hard realities as her family deals with the struggling economy. Besides being a really well done movie full of actors like Joan Cusack and Chris O'Donnell, it was a movie that had me fighting back tears as I watched the characters struggle with the realities so many are facing today. In one of the opening scenes, a family is kicked out of their home and a foreclosure sign sits hauntingly in the front yard. Later on, Kit finds a dog on the street with a homemade sign around it neck that says something like "Please take me, my owner can't feed me".

It used to be that bankruptcy and foreclosure were dishonorable and shameful and now it has almost become exceptable. It made me wonder how close we really are to that dark time in history, when we have "tent" communities being set up in states because so many people are without a home and job loss is a hard reality to so many. One temporary solution in the film for Kit's family, was to open their home to "borders". In a day and age when we don't know the neighbor across the street, I wonder how we would cope with strangers in our bedrooms, on our couches and eating from our table? Honestly, I don't think its a bad idea.

The idea to "share what you have and stretch what you don't" is very foreign to most of us. Even as Christmas looms ahead, our families on both sides will be cutting back and in some cases eliminating gifts all together. We'd rather spend "time" over spending "money" and I know the sacrifice will be worth it. Maybe we can somehow get back to the basics where we live life together again and the act of giving love or service far outweighs a neatly wrapped package with a bow. I admit that I want to give my kids wonderful things under the tree this year, but more and more I realize that if I don't find a way to teach them the simple lessons that the broken economy has presented us, they may grow up and never know what it truly means to live with less.

I had a conversation with Hannah, just yesterday, and had to explain to her the changes this year. She really wanted an ipod Nano and was told she would have to earn half of the money in order to receive one. When she decided there was an immediate object that she was anxious to spend part of her money on, I explained that she would have to ask one of her grandparents to help with paying for the ipod because she would not have enough saved. I told her that would mean that she might only get one present this year. She was tearful as she struggled with her decision and I was tearful knowing that I wanted to give her everything but couldn't. In the end, she did spend a portion of her saved allowance, but she seemed to be content with the smaller number of gifts that lay in store for her.

I'm not sure where this leads me. Maybe to another round of questions and considerations, but I really want to experience Christmas much differently this year. My heart is heavy but it is also hopeful that we can really live out love in a new way as we give people what they really need. Each other. I'm just not sure what that looks like yet.

Living Out Love

2008-10-23T11:45:00.003-05:00

Recently, I was reminded of a post I wrote almost a year ago. It was about the pain that Christians can cause when they become judgmental instead of showing love. If you haven't read it or even if you have, I suggest you take a few minutes to see where I am coming from.

I have several friends who have come under attack from other Christians because they revealed that they are voting for Barak Obama for president. Now, please understand, I'm not talking about Christians who simply give information or share why they are not voting for Obama. I am talking about those that have called some "mentally retarded" because of their choice. I am talking about the comments like, "You've got to be kidding me!" and continual badgering. I wonder who Christ would vote for? Are we really so sure of who Christ would stand with that we are willing to declare one candidate more "godly" than the other? Just some questions for thought.

I realize that there are a lot of tough issues on the line in this election and I have been doing my best to seek God as to who I should cast my vote for. I still struggle with who that is, but I have peace that when I get to the polls and I cast my vote, it will be for who I believe can lead this country to new and better things. I challenge those that have come on the offense to take a step back. If we truly believe that God is in control, we have no reason to fear WHO is elected president. No matter what, God will work his plan and we are simply called to seek His face and follow after Him.

Stop living in fear and start living out love.

My Boy

2008-10-21T14:59:00.003-05:00

(Caleb is the cute one in the center!)

I just realized that Hannah has been the center of several blogs lately so I wanted to add some great things that Caleb has accomplished. Caleb has been playing for the first time with Upward flag football. He loves football and several people have said they noticed that Caleb has a natural ability. Though his team has not won a game all season, I love what he has learned. They teach that winning is not as important as doing your best, having a good attitude and being a good sport. At the end of each game the coaches award stars to each player they feel reflects those qualities. This week, Caleb got 4 flags (one after falling down and getting back up) and he was awarded "Best Defense" and "Best Effort". I really love this league and can't wait for Caleb to start Basketball in December.

Fall pics Continued

2008-10-18T19:37:00.003-05:00

Since Hannah is the only one who is enthusiastic about modeling for me, I took these pictures of her today in the woods behind our house.

The Amen Sisters

2008-10-16T08:16:00.003-05:00

Our church has a service called the Family Summit that is held between the first and second service. This past weekend, I was asked with two other women to pull off a version of the song "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". We wore wigs and Egyptian head pieces (and of course lots of eye make up) and even sported fake eyelashes. It was a lot of fun and the kids really seemed to get into it. I am in the center.

Polically Tired

2008-10-05T17:47:00.003-05:00

I am not one to argue politics. I have always stood with one party and voted for their candidate and called it a day. At least when it came to important elections like this one. This year, however, has been very difficult for me. I came up with a strategy (inspired by a bumper sticker) this time around. I am voting for the presidential candidate that "sucks less". It may sound harsh, but that is what I have come to. Never have I been so torn between the two sides. I have issues that I feel strongly about supported by both presidential candidates and so deciding which one I will actually chose has been a strenuous process. Though, I am almost certain which name I will mark my "x" next to, I still have doubts that he will lead the country out of this growing economic hardship and into prosperity. I feel very strongly that we need to protect the unborn but also do not want the war to continue for many more years. To be honest, once I heard that McCain was drawing out of Michigan, I really wanted to go back to my original decision- to not vote. I know that makes many people angry, but I felt that my decision for who I thought "sucked less" was just lessened. I mean, if I voted for McCain, he wouldn't win anyway. If I voted for Obama, it wouldn't make a difference. After I got over that issue, I decided that every time I become aggravated over having to chose from the two candidates, I will think of the women over seas who don't have a vote. I will hear their voice in my head and even though I can't vote for them in their country, I will vote in honor of them. I hope that somehow that will make my vote less about who "sucks less" and more about the beautiful, strong country we live in that allows me to have a say (however small) in our government leaders.

Yates Cider Mill

2008-09-20T20:32:00.002-05:00

We had the fun opportunity to meet up with my brother and his family at a local cider mill today. The true purpose was to get pictures of his family for a project I am putting together, but it was nice to have a little bit of time with them as well. The river was up really high, so it took a while to find a good spot but I think they turned out pretty good! I had too many to choose from so here are just a few.

My wonderful Kid

2008-09-18T13:29:00.004-05:00

Most parents believe that their kid is the most wonderful child known to man. But when someone else says it, there is something much more meaningful to the word. The other day, our daughter Hannah was said to be "wonderful" and it made me very proud.

Hannah is in 6th grade and because the junior high does not begin until 7th grade, she is still in elementary school. Some kids I'm sure hate that they are still in with kindergartners but it doesn't seem to bother Hannah one bit. Instead, I think she enjoys the responsibilities that come with it. This year, Hannah got the privilege to serve as a "Safety". Her assignment was to work with the Life Skills class (special ed). She takes the students to recess, eats lunch with them and then gets them safely to their buses at the end of the day. Its quite a task, especially when you are dealing with special needs children, but Hannah adores them. She tells me stories all the time about them and how much they like her or how a few students are adjusting. The amazing thing is that she doesn't ever mention what is wrong with them. She just loves them and how enthusiastic they are. Even now it brings tears to my eyes because I know that there many times when I see someone with a disability and I don't always have the compassion that I should for them. To Hannah, it just doesn't seem to matter.

On Tuesday night, at open house, Hannah introduced me to Mrs. Miller, a helper in the class Hannah assists. She was an elderly, gray haired woman who was as sweet as they come. Mrs. Miller told me how wonderful Hannah was. She said "from the first day, Hannah just came into the class and went about like she had always been doing the job." Her eyes were wet as she went on and I struggled to keep my eyes dry. Hannah, with bright red cheeks, smiled from ear to ear. She was proud, too, of how well she was doing. All I could say was that "It doesn't surprise me." Which seemed very lame, but it was true. Hannah was just born with a desire to help other people (though, I wish that would include her brother). I am never surprised to hear people say things such as what Mrs. Miller said.

I know that people change with time and that sometimes we can turn away from the gifts God has placed in our lives, but I pray that the gift of "Caring" is something that Hannah never grows away from.

Here It Goes Again!

2008-09-02T07:26:00.004-05:00

Once again, summer has flown by us and where once I was blogging about cheap ways to fill our vacation, now it is back to school time. When I asked the kids if they were excited about going back, I got very different responses. Hannah said she was very excited because she was going into 6th grade. Caleb told me flat out "no" (he is in 4th).

In honor of the last day of summer vacation, I created the "no electronics" day yesterday. This meant, no t.v., no video games and no computer (unless you are checking email) from breakfast time until bedtime. It was torture for Caleb who felt that he could not breathe without playing his Nintendo D.S., and I even caught myself wanting to turn on the t.v. to waste some time. Most of the day, though, we filled enough to make everyone too busy to think about it. We had a picnic lunch at Stony Creek Park on the beach then later that evening spent time at a friend's house, catching up with people we had not seen in a long while. The kids were so exhausted from swimming both at the beach and in the evening, it only took a short time before both curled up in their beds fast asleep.

Now, I am once again, home alone as my kids boarded the bus just over 30 minutes ago. I guess I should stop procrastinating and get my butt to the gym!

The Joy of Dead Batteries

2008-08-25T21:34:00.003-05:00

This morning I was awoken by my wonderful husband, Todd. Though I was happy to hear his voice his reason for calling soon darkened my mood. It seemed that it the midst of quickly exiting his car last night, I failed to turn off the car completely AND withdraw my keys from the ignition. In my defense- I had just returned from taking Caleb's friend to his dad, filled up the gas tank for Todd and made a quick stop into Rite aid to get some last minute drinks for our friends who were on their way over.

All excuses aside, Todd had gotten into his car at 5:00 am and upon discovering that his car was dead, he left me a note and took off to work in my car instead.

If I had only planned to stay around the house today, it would have been okay. Unfortunately, I had made plans to meet a friend from high school and her four kids at Stony Creek Park. So, I did what any woman would do, I called my dad.

My awesome Dad, who was thankfully home, came over within 30 minutes and not only brought a battery charger, but he cleaned off the battery, stuck around and watched the news with me while we waited and then stayed for a few minutes after we got the car started to make sure it stayed running.

I was only about 20 minutes late for our park "date" and in the end, my friend still arrived after us. I did have to pay to enter the park because Todd does not have a metro park pass, but I figure the four dollars I had to pay was worth being able to spend a nice afternoon catching up with an old friend and allowing our children to make new friends as well.

How to deal with Phone Solicitors

2008-08-21T13:12:00.003-05:00

At work, one of my jobs is to field calls for my father in law. We have this "code" that indicates when a phone solicitor is calling. You see, my father in law does not go by his first name. Instead, he uses his middle name. So, when ever someone asks for "Harold", I automatically tell them no one is there by that name, or that he is not available and ask them if they'd like to leave a message. Yesterday, however, the conversation went a little funny. Here's what happened...

"Banner Broach, this is Kim speaking. How may I help you?"

"Yes, is Harold there please?"

"There is no one here by that name. (pause) Would you like to leave a message?"

(LONG pause)

"Uh, no..thanks." (phone disconnects)

I immediately realized what I had said to her and burst out in uncontrollable laughter! My brother in law was in the other office and at first I thought maybe he did not hear what I had said but then he came out and said "OH MY GOSH! That was the best line ever! I have to remember that next time!"

I wish it had been on purpose, but still it was most certainly a good way to stump anyone calling just to "bug" my father in law!

Salon Woes

2008-08-15T15:54:00.003-05:00

I do not like to spend a lot on my hair. Only until about two years ago did I even start doing more to it than washing and letting it air dry. The last hair cut I had was on my birthday (January) and I went to my favorite salon called Total Salon and Spa. I spent over $50 dollars and walked out feeling amazing. It was my birthday present to myself.

It had been eight months since that glorious day and I had not had a hair cut since. I am cheap so I will wait 6 to 8 months just so that I can justify spending a chunk of money on a great hair cut. Last week, I found a coupon for a different salon right around the corner and I thought "BONUS! I can get a great cut and save $$$".

Well, it didn't quite work out that way.

I told the hair stylist I needed an inch or so off the bottom and that I wanted to keep my layers. I also told her I blow dry it straight often to get out the waves. She proceeded to cut my hair almost to my shoulders (which once reached the middle of my back), then decided that my hair was much nicer wavy and began putting mouse in my hair and scrunching it. THEN, she took a comb and RATTED my roots, pulled out a blow dryer and dried it while continuing to scrunch. For the finale', she took a round brush and "straightened" the front of my hair. Then came the hairspray.

By the time she was done, my daughter, Hannah could not even look straight at me. When I paid the cashier, she asked if I "liked it". Being the ridiculously polite person that I am, I said something like, "well, it will be nice to have a fresh hair cut."

As soon as we got around the corner of the salon, I pulled over in the car and searched frantically for a rubber band, clip ANYTHING! I had to walk around Meijer in that haircut and I did not feel like looking like someone from a heavy metal band. Of course, I had nothing, so I tried to smooth it out as much as possible and as soon as we got home, I headed straight for the sink.

Needless to say, once I was able to wash it out and style it, my hair looked fine. I have certainly learned that its always better to be safe and spend a little more.

Oh well, lesson learned.

A Day at Greenfield Village

2008-08-09T18:07:00.003-05:00

Recently, our friends, Adam and Kristen passed along tickets to Greenfield Village they had not been able to use. We have not been there as a family since we took Caleb to see Thomas the Tank Engine when he was only 3 or 4. The day was perfect, despite a few down pours here and there. Fortunately, one of them occurred while we were in the school house for a "lesson". I love visiting the historical homes and seeing how simply people used to live. I honestly, would love to live without the distractions we are surrounded by now. The thing I enjoyed the most was watching our kids learn so much about history. There is so much more to learn when you can touch and experience the life of those that came before us. Hannah decided that she would love to work there someday. It was most certainly a day to treasure!

The Fruits of my Labor

2008-08-04T18:44:00.003-05:00

I have always wanted a garden and this year, with the help of my friend, Mary, my dream finally came true. She brought over her handy rototiller and within 15 minutes I had freshly turned soil. She also gave me several tomato plants, a squash plant and four green pepper plants. I went to a local farmer up the road and purchased strawberry, green bean and sugar snap pea plants and happily got to work planting. It seems like the wait has been forever but we are beginning to enjoy the veggies and fruit more and more. The strawberries are usually claimed by some sort of insect before we can eat them, but we have had several handfuls of green beans, a green pepper (that our 4 yr old neighbor was given), a handful of pea pods and even our first cucumber. The tomatoes and squash are still green but we will have a bounty full when they finish ripening.

Here are the things I have learned with my rookie gardening experience:

- Never plant a squash plant in a small area. It will take over EVERYTHING!

- Keep the weed barrier far away from the strawberries so they can naturally spread.

- Daily watering is an essential to lots of produce.

- The fruits and vegetables always taste much better right off the plant. Warm strawberries especially!

Ford cut my Dad

2008-07-31T16:11:00.002-05:00

On Tuesday I received a call that my dad was about to be escorted off the premises of his job. He didn't do anything wrong, he simply was a victim of Ford Motor Company's attempt to get get back into the competition. I know that things like that happen in the automotive industry, but my father deserved much more than a forced exit and that made me extremely sad.

In the 1970's my father moved from Sandsprings, Oklahoma, his birthplace, and relocated far from family with his new bride in order to work for Ford. Ten or so years ago, my father's division was bought by Visteon and he was sent out to Dearborn. When Visteon was bought back by Ford, he returned to his position and even turned down a very generous buy-out. Unfortunately, Ford did not recognize the previous years he worked for them and with less then two years under belt since he was brought back to Ford, he was cut. He gave up over 35 plus years of service to their company, but because of a small loop hole, he was a casualty of their latest cuts.

Now my dad, who is too young for full retirement, is back on the market in a state where jobs don't come easy. I know that God has His hand on him and will take care of he and my mom, but the whole thing still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. My dad deserved to serve the rest of his career at Ford and to retire at 65. He deserved to have a big "goodbye" party as they send him off to retirement. Not what he got.

That's my two cents.

Tragedy by Lawnmower

2008-07-17T20:30:00.006-05:00

We live in a very wet area so toads are extremely abundant. Since we moved here, seven years ago, it has been a spring tradition for Caleb to collect toads in a bucket (then release them after Mom's pleading).

I enjoy mowing the lawn (at least when I'm feeling guilty about my lack of exercise) but I hate the dodging game I have to play with the toads. They always seem to pop up out of nowhere and usually I am able to rescue them from a very quick, but painful, fate. Sometimes, however, I seem to fail at my rescue attempt miserably.

There was one time, when after mowing an area, I noticed a toad moving in the grass, but upon further inspection, I discovered that he was missing his back feet. I can not tell you how terribly guilty I felt as he struggled to move about. I later checked to see if there was a dead toad around but he must have managed to find a safe place to hide.

Today was another one of those days. As I was cutting our front lawn, I suddenly saw the body of a garter snake by our well. I called out to Hannah and our niece, Haley, to come see it and then it lifted its bloody head up and I gasped. Apparently, I had sliced off a piece of his neck with the quick blades of the mower. I thought he was in the course of dying, so I left him alone in hopes that it would be quick.

I was not so lucky.

It took over 5 hours for his little life to end and only after he had squirmed about in the yard, regurgitated a toad (another I didn't save) and turned belly up. It was a pitiful death for a creature I would never have had feelings for in any other situation.

I can't help but think that the reptiles in our area, cringe and run in terror when they see me head for the shed.

I think I'll leave the mowing to Todd for a while. :)

The Rollercoaster

2008-07-13T18:20:00.005-05:00

Two and a half years ago, I experienced something that has only happened a few times in my life. I heard God speak. Not audibly, but it could have been as strongly as I felt it. The word was "stay". After Todd confirmed he was hearing the same thing, we took our house off the market, became members at the church we had just begun attending and stopped sending out resumes.

After we obeyed, it seemed everything fell into place. The church we had joined opened its arms to us and we dove into volunteer ministry. Todd even felt peace for the first time in almost 10 years working as a machinist. Soon after, a door opened and we took a step of faith feeling very strongly that God had orchestrated all of this for that one purpose. When the door abruptly closed, we were left confused, hurt and felt as if it was man closing the door and not God.

Still, we hung on even though feelings of discontent and eagerness to get into paid ministry again slowly crept in. I also couldn't shake the feeling that we were suppose to go through that closed door and that in time it would open again.

Today, I found out that the same door may once again open and honestly, the first thing I felt was confusion and the need for a good cry. Though I've always known in my heart that there was a mistake made back then, I also am tired of the roller coaster.

It is so stressful not to know where God is leading you. I have no idea how Moses survived 40 years of uncertainty. On one side, I know with out a doubt that Todd and I are called to ministry. However, I still struggle with doubt and questions. While I should be happy at this new knowledge that maybe our time has come, I am left numb and frightened. I don't want to live in the "ifs" and "maybes" anymore. I just want to hear from God one word of certainty- whatever it may be. I'm just afraid to get back on a ride- knowing that the "odds" are that we'll end up where we began.

My prayer right now is that God will help me keep my heart and mind focused on Him and that Todd and I will both have peace no matter what doors open, reopen or close once more.

Dinosaurs and Santa Clause

2008-07-12T14:06:00.006-05:00

Have you ever had a childhood belief that sort of lingered into your adulthood? Recently, I discovered that I still had one belief that has held on on these years.

As a child, I loved to "pretend" and act out wonderful fantasy-like scenes. I didn't need a Barbie house, I had a "cave" made out of a big comforter. I didn't need a sailboat, I had a bed that sailed the uncharted seas. The funny thing is, as much as I loved to "make believe", I knew that my stocking was not filled by a magical whiskered man. I knew my Easter basket was a gift from my parents not an egg-laying bunny. And though I always left my teeth under my pillow, the only mystery to me was how my parents got the money under my pillow without waking me up. All of those fantasy figures, were just that: Fantasy. I suppose my imagination just had its own set of rules because I did however, believe that I had a fossil of a dinosaur.

Just recently, while foraging through the attic for Ebay treasures to sell, I came across a box of things I had saved many years ago. There were cards I received when our children were born, yearbooks from as young as third grade and many drawings and writings I had created while in high school. Deep down in the box I discovered a rock that was once given to me by my dad. He had found it as a child in Oklahoma and it held a strange fossil on one side. Somehow, in grade school, I had come across a dinosaur book and decided with my "very skilled" eye that it was indeed a dinosaur embryo. Never mind that the rock was the size of my palm.

I decided to do a search on fossils, came across a website called "The Fossil Web" and posted a picture of my fossil. I got back an answer from someone who believed that it "Looks like it might be a limestone nodule with broyzoans (tiny colonial animals that generally build stony skeletons of calcium carbonate, superficially similar to coral)." And though I still can not see anything but a sea dinosaur embryo, he assured me he was certain it was not, in fact, a dinosaur.

Maybe, as a child, I would have been crushed to discover that my "dinosaur" was only a plant impression with a few scattered sea "bugs", but now as a logical grown-up, I think I will keep my small lingering dream that I own something really special,

a "dinosaur-looking" fossil.

The Best of Manistee 2008

2008-07-07T15:06:00.002-05:00

We just arrived home at 1:30 am today from our week long trip in Manistee, MI. It was a fantastic week for relaxing, reading, bathing in the sun and riding awesome rides at Michigan Adventure. We have so many great memories to share so I posted these three blogs for you to get a visual of what we did!

Manistee 2008 part 2

2008-07-07T15:05:00.002-05:00

Manistee 2008 continued

2008-07-07T15:02:00.002-05:00

Sand, Sun and Water

2008-06-27T21:06:00.003-05:00

Manistee 2007

We didn't plan many activities this week except one: the beach. All week, I promised the kids that we would go back to Stony Creek Park and visit the beach on Thursday. Since Thursday started out a little slow, I decided to text Todd and ask him to come with us. He usually gets off at 12:30p on Fridays so I suggested that he leave early Thursday instead and join us. Around 2 pm we headed out to the park and the weather couldn't have been better. The sun was hot, the wind was blowing and the water was actually not too cold. Todd crashed on the beach blanket and I stayed by his side soaking up skin damaging rays for most of the 2 hours we were there. The kids spent every moment in the water. We did take a break to get ice cream and I ventured out to test the water for a short time. We haven't had a chance to do anything so relaxing as a family in a very long time. I really enjoyed it!

Now, I am surrounded by suitcases, piles of clothes and a list of unending things to pack. We will be leaving for Manistee on Monday and inevitably we forget something, so I am determined to remember as much as possible. I can't wait to enjoy the sand in my toes, the big bubbling waves and the entire atmosphere that comes with camping. I even enjoy sleeping in a tent. There is something about sitting around a campfire, laughing and playing cards to all hours and then slipping into the warm sleeping bag to sleep that just makes me happy. (Maybe not the midnight trips to the bathroom, though!)

I promise to post some great picture when we return!

Great Summer Outings Week 1

2008-06-19T14:28:00.005-05:00

This summer has only just begun, but I am already on a mission to find fun, cheap ideas to keep the kids and I busy. This week, we had the opportunity to do several free or cheap outings so I thought I'd share them.

Monday, we went to River bend's Park and visited the skate park. Hannah brought Rollerblades and Caleb brought along his scooter. We learned a few things that we will keep in mind next time. The most important was that between the hours of 10 and 11:30 only children 10 and under are allowed. We went later in the afternoon, so there were high school students and children a bit older than Hannah and I was a little uncomfortable with that. The other thing I learned was that the nature center is not open on Mondays or Tuesdays. The kids were disappointed when we couldn't visit it. Other than that, we had a nice time and it was all free.

Wednesday evening, my neighbor told me that River bend's Park was having a "Kid's Day" from 6 pm to 8. Since Todd was gone for the day, the kids and I scarfed down spaghetti and went to the park to check out the fun. There were blow-up slides, a climbing wall, petting zoo, fun games to play for prizes and even a small train the kids could ride. A nearby dance studio also had a 30 minute performance. Afterwards, we headed over to McDonald's to use a "free ice cream" coupon with our neighbors. The entire day cost around $5 (all ice cream) and we had loads of fun.

Today, we went to Stony Creek Park and visited their nature center with my niece, Haley, my friend, Linda and her daughter, Emma. I had not been to the new building and it was really nice. There were lots of small animals for the kids to checkout and even a bee hive where the kids could watch the bees through clear plastic. After about 20 minutes or so of wandering, we took the "Reflection" nature walk (1/2 mile) and enjoyed seeing and touching nature. When the walk was over, we found a picnic area with a play set and had a picnic. We spent over two hours there and it went by really fast. We plan to visit the beach next week when the weather is warmer. The cost of our trip was $20 for Linda (I already have an annual pass thanks to a discount my father in law acquired), but after today, all of her visits are free!

If you have any ideas for fun stuff to do around our area, I'd love to hear them! More next week!

"My Daddy's Shoes"

2008-06-17T14:28:00.003-05:00

A few months ago, our daughter, Hannah, told me she had an idea for a card she wanted to make for Father's Day. She thought it would be really cool to take a picture of her feet in her dad's shoes and add the phrase, "I want to walk in my Daddy's footsteps". I thought it was a wonderful idea and though we ended up throwing together the card on Saturday, I hope that Todd felt the love behind that card. Hannah has always adored her dad and with good reason! I hope she continues to use him as a guide for choosing the right boyfriend (many years from now) and eventually the right husband (light years away).

Dancing Feet

2008-06-09T07:22:00.002-05:00

Last Friday, Hannah performed in her fifth dance recital. For the last two years, she has been a part of "Happiness is Dancing". The studio is run by Pat Tokar and though its not as high quality as some of the studios around us, we couldn't be happier. Mrs. Tokar prides herself in keeping the studio "Christian based". There are no inproper dances, costumes or music used. They also have a fun variety of classes, including Hawaiian, acrobats and baton. Hannah took tap, ballet, jazz and acrobats this season. It was a real stretch for her, but she did a great job.

It is Finished!

2008-06-09T07:04:00.002-05:00

Before..

After!

I swear...

2008-06-05T14:36:00.005-05:00

Today was the last day that I will hopefully have to take a shower at the gym or bath out of necessity. I told Todd I was taking a shower at home on Friday and I meant it. I realize that both get me just as clean, but there is something about having privacy when you shower.

After my trip to the gym and breakfast with my mom, I headed to the school for "field day". Field day is suppose to be a fun time for the kids to rotate to different stations where they play things like "relay races", "hula-hoop" and "sack races". I was assigned to the T-ball area and thought it sounded pretty simple. Give them two balls to hit, have them retrieve them for the next person and so on. The first group was 3rd graders and they seemed to get the directions okay. Then came the four grade and it went fairly smooth as well. Suddenly, though, several older groups came and it all went down hill from there. I think over half of the teachers had substitutes and all of the substitutes (minus the one who happened to bring a whistle) could care less about being there. Even some of the teachers would sit around talking completely ignoring what was unfolding before them. I had many kids in the out field throwing balls into the t-ball area, children grabbing the bats and balls and hitting in every direction, boys who took 5 turns before the girls even got up to bat and then at the end of the rotation, when the alarm sounded for them to switch, the children would hit multiple balls out all over the field and then leave them.

After having balls and bats coming inches from my face I have decided to swear off field day...FOREVER.

That is unless they can assign me to something easier like hula hoop or bubblegum blowing.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

2008-06-02T14:26:00.002-05:00

So its been two weeks now that we have been without a fully functional bathroom. Before we left for Colorado, I finished the floor but there was a lot more waiting for us when we returned on Tuesday. I spent 10 hours working on the bath/shower tile on Thursday and then grouted Friday night until 3 am Saturday morning. (I seemed to have forgotten that you have to wait 2 hours after grouting to clean the tile of excess). After all those body aching hours, I truly do not want to see anything that has to do with tiling for a very long time. Despite all the work, I have to say I am truly excited to step into our bathroom now. Though there are a few small details to finish (fixtures, caulk and a few misc.), I feel so much pride knowing that we accomplished such a huge undertaking.

My next goal is to be able to use the shower!

D-Day is here!

2008-05-17T19:52:00.002-05:00

Our renovation weekend has begun! It didn't start out as quickly as we would have liked (we had to make two Home Depot trips before beginning).

Friday, Todd and I began to take off the paneling and the vanity. We have two friends, Matt and Tim who offered to help with the demolition and construction. When the guys were able to finally get to work it was already 9 pm, but they worked hard and got quite a lot ripped out. Unfortunately, it seemed the more we tore out, the more problems and need for trips to Home Depot.

My mom and dad were suppose to take the kids for the weekend, but sadly, my mom came down with a 24 hour flu and the kids had to stay here over night. Caleb was overjoyed to help and promptly found his tool kit, a dust mask, sunglasses (for safety) and a pair of mittens. The guys were gracious enough to put him to work and he happily carried pieces of dry wall and plaster out to the garage. Bedtime was not easy because their bedrooms are right across from the bathroom so they slept on the couches. My mom called this afternooon to say she was better so they are now with my parents and out of the crazy mess here.

I have not been able to contribute very much so far except to provide food and make a total of seven trips to Home Depot. Right now, the guys are actually working on reconstructing the wall facing the outside. The wood and window all had to be replaced due to rot and age. Our budget is already shot. Thats what I hear happens when you tear out a 50 plus year old bathroom.

More updates tomorrow!

Portable potty...check!

2008-05-13T15:10:00.002-05:00

I have been feeling like a tornado has hit my brain lately with all the crazy planning going on for our renovations. Yesterday, I even decided to throw in "painting the living room" and spent the day getting paint on the walls as fast as I can.

I am a "list" person and so I have created one for this weekends' adventure. Most of the supplies are still sitting at Home Depot or in friends' garages, but I was able to mark off a few things. We bought a pretty cherry vanity and wall unit over the weekend as well as the medicine cabinet and light fixture. I have the tile picked out and the tub chosen, but since both are pretty heavy, I am waiting until Todd and I can go together with a truck.

One of the big items on my list was taking care of the "lack of a toilet" situation. I decided to call a portable toilet company and for $75 we are renting one for the weekend. This will makes things a bit easier for us as well as our dear friends who are graciously spending the weekend helping us.

Lastly, I went by Sam's Club on my way home from work and picked up all sorts of bagels, fruits, drinks and so on to feed our hungry workers.

The list is still very full, but I feel confident that we will get everything "checked" off in time.

Armed and Dangerous! Pre- Demo Day 1

2008-05-10T21:02:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I decided to take my brother in law's advice and begin removing some of the things in the bathroom. Armed with a hammer, crowbar and screwdriver, I pulled down all of the thick wood trim (and believe me there was A LOT!). It was actually interesting to see what lay behind it. I found the flowered wall paper that I had torn down when we moved in. Hannah thought it was pretty and didn't remember helping me rip some of it down when she was five. I hadn't realized that so much time had passed since we did that.
I also discovered "good" and "bad" news. Once the trim was gone, I could lift back the plastic wall liner and find that there was not tile under it after all. What I thought was deteriorated tile was actually crumbling green board. That meant our job in wall removal will not include removing tile on the walls. The bad news, however, was when I removed the trim near the tub, I found damp wood. Deciding I needed to see how far the rotting wood went, I began popping up tiles and found that with each easily removed tile there was rotting plywood beneath. Adding even greater to my "joy" was the discovery that they had place plywood and ceramic tile over laminate tile (which in turn lay on plywood). I ended up tearing up 4 layers of debris until I reached the floor boards. I think the floor boards can be saved (though they were also damp), but all of the rest has to ripped out. I only removed a 16 by 16 inch area of tile and it appears that the damage is contained in that area. The only other problem is that I know that there is more damage under the tub which we will not be able to get to until next weekend.

All in all, it was a successful day in that I now know a small amount of what we are facing come Demo Day-Friday. I am growing increasingly excited and nervous for next weekend!

Catching up to Spring!~

2008-05-03T19:05:00.004-05:00

Its been a long while since I've had a moment to sit down and write. Since the middle of April things have gone nuts here! Todd has joined a soccer league on Tuesday nights, Caleb has soccer on Weds nights and Sat afternoon, Hannah has dance on Thursdays and then Todd goes to play softball on Saturday nights. In between all those activities we have been doing all other things under the sun. Its been crazy, but I can't complain. With spring comes all the busyness but it also brings warmth! Somehow it all seems to equal out.

One of those extra activities I had to do was take Hannah to get "head shots" for dance. I am going to have my sister-in-law, Shari (www.orangekitephotography.com) take the official pictures but I wanted to capture a few pics of Hannah myself. Its had to believe that she will be turning 11 soon!

As far as our bathroom renovations, we have purchased two faucets (one for the tub/shower and the other for the vanity) on clearance and I have my eye on some inexpensive tile at Home Depot. Other than that, we haven't gotten too far in the planning. Our hopes are that we can begin the renovations this month, possibly the weekend of the 18th.
The last news in the Porter Family is that we finally purchased our first set of living room furniture! I found a set at Big Lots that I loved and have been looking at for several weeks, so this week, we cleared out the corner desk, the wall desk unit and gave away our couch on Craig's List so that we could make room for the furniture. The set I found is chocolate brown Micro-suede with coordinating pillows in beige, brown and a blue/green print. When we went to buy it, they only had the couch in stock, so we put a deposit on the love seat and brought the couch home. It looks great and as silly as it sounds, I am really excited to have something nice in place of the old, covered sofa bed we had for so many years. I am really grateful for all of the furniture that friends and family have given us but there is something about being able to pick out a piece of furniture that fits you.

Anyway, thats about it for now! Look for pics of our bathroom renovation over the next few weeks!

Will you spend it?

2008-04-08T15:16:00.002-05:00

Most everyone has heard about the refund that will be coming in the mail for all tax paying citizens come May. No matter what you think about it, if you are like most people I have talked to, you probably already have a plan for your check. I know most financial advisers have been counseling people to bank it,but we have different plans. WE are going to renovate our bathroom from ground up. We only have one bathroom to begin with, so it will not be a pleasant undertaking. We need to ripe out paneling (our current walls), the chipping, rusting bathtub, the cracking wall liner, the falling-through-the-liner tiles, the faded light blue (yuck!) ceramic floor tiles and the old sink cabinet. Yes, it will be a HUGE undertaking. The reality is, though, if we are going to ever sell our house, it has to be done. No one would want it in the state it is in now. We have lived here for 6 1/2 years and tolerated it, but it has slowly over time grown worse and worse. Todd is not excited about all the work, and the lack of a tub and possibly a toilet will cause some problems. However, I am holding to the positive belief that when it is over, it will be worth it! (I HOPE!)

"ROAR!"

2008-04-05T20:28:00.004-05:00

Today I had the fun privilege of attending the Detroit Tigers game with our son, Caleb. I'm not a big sports fan, but it was so much fun to dress up, cheer on our team and spend the afternoon/evening alone with Caleb. He got really antsy around the 6th inning and asked when it would be over, but when I told him we still had some time he decided to make the most of it and began dancing, jumping up and down and just having a crazy time. His favorite possession was the foam Tiger claw he got from the souvenir shop. Though it set me back $15 dollars, it was great to see him so enthusiastic. This will be on the list of most memoriable moments spent with my little boy.

Plastic People

2008-03-25T11:32:00.003-05:00

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Chorus:
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

I have been working on the above song because I will be singing it with another worship team member on Sunday and it has really hit me in the heart. I had never heard it before, but the words speak directly into where I have lived.

I grew up in church. I attended every Sunday morning, evening, Wednesday nights and when I was a teen I even was there on Tuesdays for drama and dance. My parents moved from Oklahoma when they were married and being so far from family, we grew up with a "church" family instead. As much as that should have made me comfortable to share my heart with everyone there, it didn't. I became very accustomed to saying I was "fine" and pasting on a smile. It didn't matter if my best friend had hurt me that week, my boyfriend broke my heart or that my family was going through hell at the time. I was even so convincing during my high school years that I became youth group president even though I was partying and drinking and so on. I was so afraid to let someone know that I was not a perfect Christian that I instead turned to outside sources to numb the pain. It wasn't until a youth group retreat during my junior year in high school that I finally gave up on trying to hide my suffering and turned things around.

Many years have gone by, but I still struggle with showing my true self to other Christians. I don't want to look ugly. I don't want others to see that I struggle with issues and that I am not all "sunshine".
This song really spoke to me because I'm not sure how we can change the church, but I do know that we can start with ourselves. We can begin by not always being "fine", but really opening up to those who are willing listen. I don't mean spill your guts on the greeter, I just mean not to hold back from those at our church that we know care. Take off our "plastic smiles" and be real.

Cyber Humanity

2008-03-06T15:22:00.004-05:00

I keep hearing a lot about this new thing called "Twitter". Even my hubby does it so I thought I'd check out his Twitter page to see what all the excitement was about. I read through his page and most of it were things such as, "Going to the movies", "washing and gassing the Camry", and "headed to bed". It began to tickle me a bit as I thought about everyone updating their page throughout the day and I started to tease Todd about it. I told him I was going to start my own page and post ridiculously tedious moments like "Now I am coughing", "Now I am reaching for the Kleenex", "Now I am out of Kleenex", "I am now going to the store to buy more Kleenex". Of course I was just being obnoxious, but it really began to make me think about why people want everyone to know what they are up to, and even more, why we read what everyone posts about their day. I find it fascinating that in a world so fearful of personal security being breached, we live our lives as an open book on the computer. We have online diaries where anyone can read out thoughts. We have pages on Myspace and Facebook that display our interests, pictures and friends. We even feel the need to let others know where we are and what we are doing. Could it be, that in this world of fast pace technology, that maybe we are actually lacking the social interactions that we, as humans, are designed for? Could we be reaching beyond the cyber world in hopes that someone will care about us? I have to be honest, the more I thought about this, the more I realized that it is true in my own life. Relationships over the internet can be fun, safe and even meaningful at times, but they will always lack human contact. I think we need to challenge ourselves to pick up the phone every once in a while and talk to a friend instead of typing them a message. We need to go out with a group to the movies sometimes, instead of always discussing it in a thread. Most of all, we need to reach out and really connect with someone who is hurting in person. As much as a card or email can make someones day, a hug or a listening ear can do wonders.

Just my two cents.

We Got Taken Part 2

2008-02-29T17:25:00.003-05:00

If you haven't read my post about our furnace incident, please scroll down and read it first. For those of you who are up to date, here is the latest.

I filed a complaint with the Better Business bureau and told them about what happened. I told them I wanted a refund of $44.95 and also $65.00 to cover the expense of having Air Conditioning Engineers come out to fix what was happening. I received a call today from the company who caused the problems in the beginning this afternoon. The man wanted me to explain what happened and then in the middle of my explanation he handed the phone to the manager. I had to rehash what happened and then listen to him tell me what a great company they were and how he honestly thought this was a scam. I wanted to say "who would scam someone for $100?!" Instead, I told him I had pictures of the damages and that all I could go by is what happened and what Air Conditioning Engineers told me had happened. He seemed to want to get the conversation over because he continued to interrupt me and asked "How can we make this go away?". I told him he can reimburse me what we paid his company and that I would be satisfied. Then I agreed to report to the BBB that they had resolved the issue. He agreed to send me a $50 check tomorrow.

What irritated me the most, was not only his accusation but that he tried to make it appear that his company has a perfect record and that he wasn't responsible for what happened. I might have believe him except that they had 11 complaints against them on the BBB website as well as only negative feedback on yellowpages.com. That alone made me believe that he is not as legit as he tried to make himself. Especially when his repeated argument was that they had been in business for 5 years. Five years does not make your business reputable and does not make you an expert in furnaces.

With all that said, we are suppose to receive a check in the next few days and I have made my own personal decision not to post any more bad reviews on them. However, I certainly won't recommend them just in case my intuition is correct.

Growing up and old

2008-02-27T20:48:00.004-05:00

Tonight I had the surreal privilege of previewing the "Always Changing" video. I just happened to see in the school monthly publications a small note about an informational meeting for 5th and 6th grade parents regarding the information the students would be learning this year. I suppose I was one of the few parents who noticed it because their were only a handful of parents from our school and only a small amount even gathered that somehow represented the Utica School districts 5th and 6th grade parents. I was pleased to recognize our friends, Ruth and Dave, so I took a seat in the second row next to them and nervously glanced at the papers I picked up. The word "masturbation" jumped off the page and I quickly switched another paper on top. As I glanced around the room I felt about 18 years old compared to many of the grown ups present. It was hard to believe that these parents were experiencing this same stage of life that we were. I couldn't imagine that any of them would be anxious about the information their child would be learning soon. Many of them looked at least 10 years older and having experienced parents questioning my "youth" before, I tried to act "mature" and calm. (Whatever that means).

They separated the 5th grade parents from the 6th grade and then a very soft spoken but confident nurse took center stage and explained what we would be seeing. She told us that the 5th graders would be split by gender and would only be taught what they needed to know about their own bodies. (This was the first time I exhaled.)

Then, she told us that any questions regarding sex and related things would be affirmed, but then the student would be directed to talk to his/her parent regarding those things. (Second exhale).

After the movie (which was very informative yet appropriate for a 10 or 11 year old), she opened it up for questions. I wasn't sure what I wanted to know, because most of what was in the movie I had been talking to Hannah about when the need arose. It was such a relief to know that "sex" would not be a topic discussed yet. Then came the moment that made me feel that I wasn't so out of place as I had felt when I walked in. A mom asked simply, "If your child asks you about sex and reproduction, how would you respond if you were the parent?"

The nurse replied with a very safe and honest answer about how a man and a woman have a relationship in which the sperm travels to the woman and left it open for parents to decide when it was appropriate for this process to take place.
(Did I mention how much I liked her?)

I know some parents would be upset that she did not preach abstinence, but I am honestly happy that they instead leave the "preaching" to the parents so that the children are not faced with opposing views from different sides. I would rather Hannah to receive no answer, than to be told "when the mood is right". I was even happier when the nurse told us that very rarely did she ever get a question about sex. She said that 5th graders are much too worried about what is going on in their own bodies then to worry about where babies come from.

I had to sneak out a bit early in order to get home so Todd could make a game night, but overall I was extremely pleased at what I saw and heard. I know I am nervous to be at this stage with our daughter, yet I am truly excited for her to experience all that life has to offer.

And this "puberty" thing is just the start.

When forgiving means "forgetting"

2008-02-26T16:09:00.000-05:00

Have you ever struggled with forgetting? Recently the art of forgiving and forgetting has played a very real role in our lives. A family member recently reunited with an ex and announced to the family they were "dating".
The emotions I have been experiencing have been both positive and negative. On one hand, I believe God's true desire is that married couples remain as "one" so I begin to feel that maybe this is God's way of restoring what was broken. On the other side, I can't forget the deep wounds that were brought about during the divorce and I worry whether the ex can be trusted. Strangely, enough, I don't feel angry or malicious towards her. Anyone who has heard the story knows that our family would have every "right" to not accept her. But somewhere in the pain, God brought about a healing and a forgiveness. We have all forgiven the offenses. We just can't seem to forget. I think our biggest fear is that she will hurt our family member again.

In the Bible, Peter asks Jesus the hard questions about forgiveness.

"At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"

Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

" The Message version

As hard as it is for us to forget, I am learning that our goal should be to forgive by building a relationship once again. Even though it feels like we are blindly holding our hand out, I think it is an important step for us to take. I know we will all feel cautious in the beginning, but perhaps God WILL do something beautiful in the midst of the confusion. We can never know until we follow His example and love without condition.

We Got Taken

2008-02-22T11:44:00.004-05:00

We had American Quality Temperature come yesterday to clean the furnace because we found a coupon for $44.95 and thought it was about time to get it cleaned. I was a bit nervous when I realized the man that came didn't speak English well, but he seemed to know what he was doing. He was here under 30 minutes and when he was done, he turned the furnace back on and the smoke alarm went off and ashes blew out of the furnace. He said it was just dust. When he left the ashes continued to come out every time the furnace kicked on. In addition to the ashes now ALL OVER our laundry room, the smoke alarm went off at least 5 to 6 times at night waking us up. We had to go open the door each time and it was exhausting! The furnace at times would sound like it was EXPLODING as well. I jumped out of bed the first time because it sounded like one of our kids fell out of bed. Thats how loud it was. I called this morning and of course they didn't answer. In addition, they cashed my check already so I couldn't put a stop to it. We called another company that has a good reputation and have to pay more to have the same service performed. I am so frustrated and angry at being scammed. I left bad reviews on yellowpages I have also emailed the company telling them I have pictures of the mess and requesting our money back. I don't expect them to even respond, but I thought I'd try anyway. My lesson learned? "Cheaper is not always better".

123 Meme Challenge

2008-02-21T16:15:00.003-05:00

Todd tagged me so here's the rules:

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more (no cheating!)

* Find page 123
* Find the first five sentences
* Post the next three sentences
* Tag five people

So my nearest book was "The Way of a Worshipper" by Buddy Owens. I added the sentence that began the paragraph so it actually makes sense.

(When I started to read the Bible meditatively, I began to experience tremendous changes in my life:)
My outlook changed. I began to see circumstances, challenges and opportunities through a lens of Scripture. I found that the Scriptures were taking root so deeply in my soul through meditative reading that they became the filters for my point of view.

I tag Shari, Kristen, and Stephanie (yes, I ran out of people to tag.)

Releasing the Bird

2008-02-15T15:00:00.004-05:00

Last night, before I turned out the living room light, I glanced into our parakeet's cage to say goodnight. He was sitting on his perch watching me with his tiny black eyes and quietly listening to my whispers. I feel very guilty that he has to live in this tiny wire cage all the time. Before we had Zoey, our 2 year old Silky-Chon dog, we would leave the cage open sometimes and let him fly around the room. Now, Zoey lives for the day when she can get a hold of the bird. As I observed his bright yellow tail and elegant wings, I felt sad that he didn't get to use them. There have been moments when I have had compassion on this small creature and wished I could release him out doors to fly with true freedom, the way he was intended to live. Then I look at the snow, and remember that not only would he freeze to death, but that he would not know how to build a shelter, find food or water and that his life would probably be cut short because he wasn't made to live in Michigan. He was created to flourish in warmer climates. As those thoughts went through my head, I began to apologize for giving him this life. Strangely, I became very deeply sorry for his imprisonment and with tears rolling down my cheeks, I began to pray a different prayer of revelation. I began to picture my husband, Todd, who was designed to minister to people. He heard God's calling as a young man, and went to college to become a pastor. He served in volunteer positions and later a part time job as a youth minister. Now, he is caught in a wire cage of life where he is working in a manufacturing business. Its not what he was designed to do. I know he is dying inside to go beyond his current situation and spread his wings and fulfill the Designer's Plan. I prayed that God would not let him forget what he was made for, that this cage he is in now, is only temporary. I prayed that God would prepare the proper place for Todd to begin ministering, not send him out into an environment that would not suit him. As I finished my prayer, it seemed like an envelope of peace surrounded me. Its as if I could feel God's arms there reassuring me that it was all temporary. Its funny how God can use simple things like a bird, to remind us of His faithfulness.

All I Need is Him

2008-02-14T12:51:00.004-05:00

Today, while having lunch with my mom at Big Boy's, we met a young woman who was very enthusiastic about the holiday. Apparently, for the first time, she had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day and she couldn't wait until tonight. Her boyfriend had actually pursued her for two years and she finally gave in. Now she is being overwhelmed with flowers, fancy dinners and so on. I had to smile as she went on about what their plans were tonight. Not because I had any big plans myself. Todd is actually going to a get together to celebrate his friend's birthday and I will be at home relaxing after a crazy day. We will be celebrating together next weekend while the kids go to my parents house. I was smiling because inside I know what it is like to feel so excited about new romance. I know what it feels like to receive 2 dozen roses, go to fancy dinners and feel so much anticipation leading up to seeing the man I love. I've never been one to really care about getting roses or fancy dinners, it was the anticipation that I lived for. Now, after being married over 12 years, I find that those gifts still are not important to be. Being married with kids, the practical side tends to take over and spending $50 on flowers seems too wasteful. Even though we may not celebrate the way we used to, the anticipation I have to spend an evening with Todd ALONE is still just as great. I had heard that love grows founder as the years go by, but now I know just how true that really is. I could never imagine loving someone the way that I love Todd. I know he is not perfect and I love that about him. I don't want someone who never makes mistakes because I would feel completely inadequate next to him. I love that his commitment to me goes beyond the vows we said or the rings we wear. I love that he still adores me and calls me "Beautiful". I look forward to each passing year because I know that no matter what obstacles we have to face, we will do it together.

This Valentine's Day, I don't need candy, flowers or even a card. I just need him.

Side business

2008-02-11T10:02:00.000-05:00

My friend, Mary, and I are going to be selling at a Mom 2 Mom sale soon. Thinking it would be close to Easter, I came up with the idea to create little girl necklace and bracelet sets to sell. Mary has a site she recently created to sell various children products and she listed a few there. If you want to take a look, here is the link. Its a great site, so look around!

Clara's Corner

A little bit of winter magic

2008-02-07T15:58:00.000-05:00

Last night Hannah received a phone call from a friend who instructed her that "now" was the time to take action. All children in our home were to turn their pajamas inside out and put them on immediately. Then a spoon was to be placed under their pillows. That alone, would guarantee a "snow day". Somehow, in God's humor, He honored their silly ritual and we awoke this morning to just that.

It took a little convincing, but I finally coaxed Hannah and Caleb out into the snow. They invited a few friends over to build an igloo (though somewhere in the middle they gave up and had a snow ball fight instead). Here are a few pictures of their joyous afternoon.

In case you were wondering...

2008-02-06T17:16:00.001-05:00

For those who have asked, I have posted this picture of my new hair cut. I love it. Its not incredibly different, but it is much shorter than I have worn in a while.

More later!

32

2008-01-31T09:19:00.000-05:00

Today is my thirty-second birthday and I have to admit I am excited. At 5 am this morning, Todd kissed me goodbye and after that I couldn't go back to sleep. I laid in my nice warm bed thinking about what I had planned, and as simple as my day is going to be, I actually had butterflies in my stomach! This year, my age just doesn't seem to matter. I'm not sure if its because I've had 2 years to adjust to the big "3-0" or if I am just ready to embrace getting older. Whatever the reason, I feel good. My plans today consist of meeting my mom for lunch at Red Lobster, doing a little shopping and getting my HAIR done at a nice salon. The latter makes me most excited because it has been a year and a half since I've stepped into a salon that actually makes me feel a little glamorous. Usually, I visit the local "$10 Special" salon to get my split ends cut off. Today, I want to feel special. Today, I am splurging just a bit because after 3 pm my day of fun ends and my "mom" job takes over. So, for the next 5 1/2 hours, I celebrate my body getting older and hopefully my brain getting just a bit wiser.

Happy Birthday to me!

Fixing The Kitchen Sink

2008-01-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

I love watching TLC's "Flip that House". I feel that I can somewhat live through the "flipper's" adventure as they go through the process of completely renovating a house. There are so many things that need to be done in and around our 50+ home. Its not a lack of motivation but rather money that has prevented my dream of fixing things up. With that said, I have found small projects that have given me a way to feel that some improvements have been made.

Three weeks ago, I came up with an idea to build shelves for a closet in the laundry room. We had bought a pantry, but it collected lots of stuff instead of food, so the shelves in the other closet would house the "stuff" and leave the pantry for what it was designed for. I always have good ideas when it comes to projects, however, my husband, Todd is the one that usually gets the job. Not because I couldn't necessarily do it, but because after bending his crow bar and other unmentionable tool dismemberments, he prefers to leave me to the ideas, not the work. So, after a trip to Home Depot and an hour of sawing and nailing, three wonderful shelves now sit in our closet.

The project that was even more needed, was the kitchen sink dilemma that we conquered this weekend. Not only did our faucet drip, but the pipes underneath literally poured water at times. I had to fasten a plastic bag so that it would collect the water and after showing my mom my temporary "tape job" on the pipes, I realized the need was immediate. Especially after I squeezed one of the pipes and I felt a "crunch".

We decided we would replace the old faucet and all the pipes except the one leading into the crawl space. That one would require more skill than Todd was capable of at that time. It was a big project, but there is a beautiful faucet and plastic pipes now where most of the leaking used to take place. As for the pipe that couldn't be replaced, it was resealed with plumbers putty and duct tape. Yes, that was my handy work. :)

All this fixing and replacing got me to think how in our own lives we "fix" things. There are relationships that I have or have had that have taken so much effort and pain to keep up that in a way I have treated them like those taped pipes. I have tried to mend holes that have occured over distance or time. Meanwhile, underneath the duct tape and putty there is a rusting pipe that just needs to be taken out. I know people are not expendable, but at the same time, there sometimes is a natural break in relationships that we need to recognize and let go of. I realize that this can seem too simple and maybe viewed as giving up, but I have experienced friendships that just don't seem to work anymore. Either because one side does not make an effort or maybe our lives are just too different now. I try to force things to stay the same, but the reality is that some friendships are only meant for certain moments in our lives and trying to keep something functional when its purpose no longer exists just creates hurt and frustration.

I am so thankful for the friendships I do have that have lasted over the years. Some of those friends live far away, yet the distance doesn't seem to matter. Some of them even live within a short distance, and even though we can not get together like we would like, both sides know our care for each other will not fade. The best friendships can be weighed on those things. I know I may still have moments of struggle when I feel the end of a friendship, but in those moments I hope that the reassurance of those lasting friends will help me to let go.

Its a new day

2008-01-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

This time of year, everyone is busy making their new years resolutions. They are signing up for gym memberships, new diets and doing an inventory of their lives. Even though its just a change in numbers, the new year seems to allow people to mentally put the previous year behind and begin again. It all sounds really wonderful, except, that things aren't always so easy to move past. Some people are faced with the wreckage of 2007 and can't just "start fresh". I have friends who are dealing with impending divorces, addictions, bankruptcy and a sense of failure that doesn't just disappear with the drop of the ball.

I have come to be inspired by a new band, the Robbie Seay band. One song in particular has really struck me lately. The title is "New Day". The song expresses what so many need to hear.

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it's a new day, oh baby it's a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it's a new day

I love the message because it tells the truth that most of us face. A new year doesn't always bring roses and sunshine. It might mean you are faced with the after math of a storm. It might mean that you are fighting with every ounce not take a drink. It might mean your marriage may not make it another day. The point is not to discourage, but rather to look at your life objectively and honestly and realize that even though those things are weighing you down, its still a new day each and every morning. You can choose to live in the pain and past or choose to let go however slowly of yesterday and look the new day in the face with courage.

One thing I have learned over all the years Todd and I have been together, is that the issues of today will not matter tomorrow. We have faced pain and rejection. We have faced tough financial times, not knowing how we were going to pay last month's mortgage payment. But God has also seen us through those times. We have never been alone, and though they were not easy or pain-free, they were only temporary. I know that had we been facing those things alone, we would have never become the people we are today. We are still facing storms, but our faith and love for God has only intensified.

And a new day came eventually.

Oh for the love of snow!

2008-01-02T13:30:00.000-05:00

Our son, Caleb had told us that he needed a snow board BEFORE Christmas because the snow goes away after that. I told him reassuringly that there would be lots of snow after Christmas, but unfortunately my words were put to the test when Christmas came and there were only sprinkles on the ground. Fortunately, God heard his prayer and the snow has once again pounded down on us. Here are a few pictures I took of what we have so far. Caleb was too busy playing in it so, I had to take Hannah out for pictures instead.

Christmas Choir

2007-12-19T21:53:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to mention how proud I was of our kids tonight! They both had a Christmas choir concert and they sang their hearts out. Hannah even had a short solo and Caleb played the chimes. It was beautiful!

My personality?

2007-12-18T17:32:00.001-05:00

Taking a deep breath

2007-12-17T19:10:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of this past weekend, I remember saying to Todd that I wish we weren't so busy. We went to a friends house Friday night, celebrated my nephews birthday Sat morning and then went to a Christmas party on Saturday night. Then Sunday morning I was supposed to be at church at 8:00a to lead the kids ministry in songs for both services, then go out with some friends of ours after church. All of those plans were good things and most of them even fun, but I have been fighting against a possible sinus infection since last Monday and it has left me tired and a bit cranky at times. Despite all of our plans, I had no idea what God had planned with the weather Sunday morning. Sure, I knew there was a storm coming and the snow was pounding down on our way home on Saturday, but I really didn't think we would wake up to text messages at 6:30 am telling us that church was canceled!

It sounds terrible, but I was slightly relieved that I didn't have to brave the unplowed streets and even more glad not to have to dance and sing for two church services. Breathing alone, at times, can be a challenge! Throughout the entire day, I kept having to remind myself that it was indeed Sunday. Even though, I know we don't have to attend church to have time with God, I really did in the end, miss going. That evening, Todd and I took the kids to a get together with friends from church. Sure we didn't read the Bible together or pray, but being with them gave me the sense that I had experienced just a bit of Rockpointe "Community".

Today there was a school "snow day" due to unpaved subdivision roads so we were once again stuck in the house. Apparently, the neighbors had told their kids they could not play inside, because slowly they arrived at OUR house. As tiny as our home is, it seemed to be very popular the last few days!

Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I am thankful when God gives us a moment to pause in the haste of life. It has been a battle this season trying to keep in the true spirit of Christmas because it all gets buried in the business. I hope if you were stuck inside like I was, you took a little time to reflect and take a breath. Sinus infection or not, it always feels good to breathe.

WHY ARE FIGHTING OURSELVES?

2007-12-11T10:26:00.000-05:00

It takes quite a lot to get me upset about things. Lately, however, I have become sad, then hurt, than just angry over the way Christians have treated others. It seems that with the movie "The Golden Compass", it has brought out the worst in some. I find it ironic that we as Christ followers are called to reach the world with God's love and yet we berate, belittle and call other followers "sinners". I can't understand why trying to be open and wanting to learn more about a movie with so much controversy is suddenly a sin and a reason to tell another Christian that they are in fact "not" if they move in that direction. I am tired of those who should be standing beside us in the battle of sin and life itself, instead turning and attacking those who stand on the same side. I am tired of Christians believing that everything is a battle. Yes, there are two sides and we need to chose one. However, perhaps the way that Jesus treated sinners and those who weren't from the "church" would be a clearer example of how we should act towards them and each other. Not attacking those who don't see things through your view would be a start. Not telling people you no longer respect them because they go to see a movie in order to learn more about it. What are we showing the world?

Until now, I have maintained a level of calm but right now, honestly, I am ticked. We are ALL sinners first of all. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. But I am also not afraid that my faith is so weak that I can not go into the fire and try to reach those people who may be searching.

If this is what I must take in order to do what I feel God is calling me to do, I will. But I can't sit back and watch us eat each other alive either.

To all those who are on the offensive, please take a deep breath and lower your sword. Its digging much too deep into my skin.

10 Signs You Are An Internet Junkie

2007-12-10T16:10:00.001-05:00

I was telling my brother in law at work today that I check my email several times a day. Its like a rush whenever I get new mail than such a let down when I find its only junk. Anyway, on that subject, I created my own list of how to determine whether or not you are an internet junkie.

10 signs you are an internet junkie.

1. You watch TV while cruising the internet.

2. Your keyboard has crumbs in it

3. You begin to talk in html language when describing a link to your best friend

4. You met your best friend online

5. You check your email more than you sit down for meals

6. You can’t go to bed until every Myspace, Facebook, email, website and forum of yours has been checked for new messages or comments.

7. You have more internet friends than friends.

8. Your couch has a permanent TV tray in front of it so you can rest your lap top.

9. You base your decision where eat out on whether or not they provide free WiFi

10. You post from the toilet

I left the baby behind

2007-12-07T10:27:00.000-05:00

When I was pregnant and even more so when my children were infants, I used to have repetitive dreams that I had left my baby behind. The location varied, sometimes I left them at the store, in the car or just simply forgot them at home. In each dream, I would panic when I realized that the baby was not with me and franticly attempt to return to the place I left them. The journey back always took so much effort and time.
Lately, I have begun to feel like that again. Not that I left my 10 and 8 year old somewhere, but that an even more important infant has been forgotten.
I have been so busy trying to work out finances, buy gifts, going to work and living everyday life that somehow I have once again forgotten the reason I celebrate Christmas. If it wasn't for the grace of God and his gift of Jesus more than 2000 yrs ago I would not know the love, mercy and blessings that through Him I have experienced. The last two years have been full of pain, redemption, blessings, confusion, small moments of clarity... Too many experiences to fit in this short post. Each fall has reminded me how much I have needed God and each victory gives more revelation to His love for me. Without Christ, I am nothing, have nothing and need everything. With Him, I am in need of nothing. I have purpose, meaning and a goal to work towards. I don't ever want to run in panic searching for Him again. I don't ever want to feel the loss that comes with knowing I am alone.

God help me to keep my focus on You so that I never forget the gift you gave. Don't let me leave the baby behind.

Golden Compass leading others astray?

2007-12-05T15:56:00.001-05:00

A lot of controversy has been appearing over the new movie, "The Golden Compass". The first time I saw a commercial for it I thought, "Hey, that looks interesting!". I had no idea it was based on a book series or that many Christians were boycotting the movie, I just saw a fantasy movie that intrigued me. Then the emails and messages began to come from Christian friends of ours and I began to look beyond the innocent appearance and deeper into what has made so many upset.

Recently, I received an email from a friend that gave a little more information by Crosswalk. The quote I liked best from the email was the following:
... when Christians start warning the culture about something dangerous, we often get a backlash. And it is worse if we are not prepared. If we just go out there and tell people, "This movie is about kids who kill God!" we just get a reputation as ill-informed scolds. Already that is starting to happen.

That quote is so true. We as Christians can get so defensive and angry when our faith is attacked. Look at the Christians who burned Harry Potter books or boycotted "The Da Vinci Code". They certainly got attention from those who did not call themselves "believers" but unfortunately it was not the kind of attention we needed. They reacted quickly with very little information as if a bomb would go off if they didn't put out the wick soon enough. Somehow I think we have given into the idea that if we don't stand up for Christ with fury, He will be defeated. Christianity has been around since the beginning of creation. Maybe not in the form it is today, but even so, from the Israelites to the modern day martyrs, we will always be under attack. Now, please understand that I don't believe we should lay down and die to every cause against us. I simply believe that if we stand firm on the Truth, which is Jesus, then as each storm passes (and they will pass) we can lead others just by loving them and remaining calm. I think that there is such a thing as standing up for our beliefs without the need to ban, abolish, or post hateful rhetoric. Amazingly, most of what is posted in the anger of reaction is full of half truths that have been passed on by well-meaning Christian leaders. I respect those Christians who take the time to read up on controversies so that they do not in turn pass on invalid arguments. I even more respect those who pick up the book or movie and go directly to the source for information. Only then should we take up our cross and with intelligence address the issue.

With all of that said, will I see the movie? Probably not. I am most certainly drawn to it and curiosity has made me even more inclined, though I may wait to rent it when it comes to the video store. My intention in seeing it would be to find out what it is that the author is communicating and hopefully give me better arguments against the message. However, I don't plan on getting involved in any debate until I have valid information from the movie (or book) itself. Whether or not you decide to see the movie or read the book, I really hope you will make sure your sources are solid before spreading any misinformation accidentally.

Here is a blog that we found helpful in our search for more knowledge on this movie.

Something to give thanks for

2007-11-21T23:57:00.000-05:00

I got an email from a friend with a link for YouTube.

Apparently, its true. A young boy, only 13 and from Nebraska called into a radio station that he calls into quite often. I think thats all the introduction you need.

Hope you find the many things surrounding you to be thankful for.

When love runs out

2007-11-12T12:40:00.000-05:00

Over these past weeks I have been told by two different friends that they were going through a divorce. They seem like average couples with everyday troubles like most marriages. One couple married for 10 yrs, the other just under 2 yrs. One friend told me her husband just took off his ring and decided he didn't want to be married. I can't imagine the devastating pain that has come on her.

It has made me really pour over the idea of "falling out of love". Why does it happen? It seems couples with money, without money, with children, with out children and so on suffer from it. It is not immune to anyone. Couples that are married for 30 years and those married for under 6 months. What happened to the generations before us, who got married young and grew older and wiser together? To the men and women who looked at marriage as something to be worked on, tested and stretched? A commitment for life?

When Todd and I go to weddings, we always look forward to the dance in which they slowly eliminate the couples married the least. We have reached over 10 years and get to stay for one more elimination. They continue to call out years until they honor the gray-haired, sparkling eyed man and woman who still only have eyes for each other. Some married for over 60 years. We both look forward to being that couple someday.

I won't lie. There are days when I have thought, "What if he falls out of love with me?" Then there have been moments when I have thought, "marriage is so hard". But the truth in it all is that marriage IS hard and sometimes one spouse does "fall out of love". Why is it so much easier to run away from one relationship to find another "love" and in turn just "fall out of love" again?

One friend of mine used the illustration of smoking a cigarette to describe love. You crave it, breath it in, get the "high" and then when it runs out, light up the next. I think it better describes "lust". Lust will run out. It desires to satisfy itself based on how something (or someone) looks or makes its feel. Then after the high subsides, moves on to the next exciting ride.

I look at love as something so much deeper, so much richer.

I wonder what the first person to discover diamonds thought about them. Diamonds are not beautifully smooth and cut with brilliance by nature. They are found with sweat and blood and dirt. They are brought from the darkest parts and poorest areas. Then comes the shaping. They are polished, cut and set in precious metal. They get to the stores only through surviving extreme processing. They gain worth through time. Marriage is like that diamond. Only through pain, dark times and work can a marriage become something great. The bride and groom who stand at the altar do not begin with a perfect marriage. They are given a rough piece of stone that only they can fashion into something with value.

Unfortunately, it takes two people to accomplish the goal, and when one decides its too hard, the beautiful result can never take form. My heart aches for the spouse left with the broken dull pieces. The one who was willing to stick it out to get to the end. The one who sees the two of them dancing as old folks in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by young couples who yearn to be there too.

My prayers go out today for the men and women who have been broken because of divorce.

I pray that God will take them through this valley and bring them up to the mountain where His love NEVER runs out.

That they will someday be granted the deep desires of their heart to find a partner who will work with them to create diamonds.

Santa Clause is coming already?

2007-11-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

Well, the Christmas music has begun to play on the radio, snow had its first fleeting appearance and the stores have suddenly become Santa shops. I always look forward to this time with anticipation as well as a little reservation. Since we have begun to shop without credit cards the last two years, I am not nearly as far a long in the gift buying as I would like to be. I have my list but only a few things have been checked as "done". Regretfully, I am already itching to bring out the Christmas decorations. Our house is very little so the tree and manger, though beautiful and meaningful, take up a lot of needed space so in that realization lies the reason I am hesitant to pull everything out. There is something in watching the tiny snowflakes and listening to "Santa Clause is coming to town", however, that stirs up warm thoughts and memories.

As a child, I never believed in Santa clause. I have had so many parents tell me that Christmas wouldn't be filled with the same magic and wonder without Santa, but honestly, I don't think I missed out on a thing. I remember turning off all the lights, except the ones on the tree, lying beneath the branches and dreaming of what could be beneath the deliciously wrapped gifts. Growing us several states away from family, also brought some advantages. Large packages would arrive leading up to December 25th filled with presents from relatives. I was a fortunate child growing up, so my dreams and hopes were usually physically embraced the morning of Christmas. There was one year that it wasn't quite so fun however. I decided to snoop in my parent's closet and look inside for hidden gifts. I found all but a few, and though they were exciting to discover, the faces of surprise I had to fake on Christmas Day were not worth the short term adrenaline rush.

Though we are not in the same financial status as my parents were back then, I am eager to recreate for my children the same sort of excitement. As gifts are purchased, they slowly appear magically under the tree until Christmas eve when the largest gifts arrive in front of the tree. We hang filled stockings on the door knobs (our creative replacement for the lack of fireplace mantle) and early when the sun rises we wake to hear happy voices raised in "yeahs!" and "cool!".
I could care less honestly, what presents are awaiting me on that day, the joy of watching our children enjoy the blessings God has given them far out weigh a new sweater or gift card.

Although, there is a little fun in unwrapping a gift picked out by your eight year old son, my greatest gifts are the people I am able to share this special time of year with.

Now, Thanksgiving, hurry up and get out of the way!

Decades

2007-11-05T09:12:00.000-05:00

Todd tagged me so here it goes...

November 1997- Todd and I had survived our first year as newly weds and were about to celebrate #2! Hannah was about 4 months old and I was working in a home daycare which was 2 blocks from my mom's house.

November 1987-I was eleven yrs old and I believe in 5th grade. That was a horribly awkward year because I was put in an expander for my upper jaw, growing too fast for my body to catch up (causing me to be very clumsy), and was about to get glasses for the first time. YIKES! It also was the year I starred in "The Music Machine" as one of the main characters at church.

November 1977- I was just 22 months old and became a big sister the month before. My parents were waiting for our house to be built, so we lived with Herman and Virginia Shulz who became our great "aunt" and "uncle".

Single parenting this weekend

2007-10-27T18:55:00.001-05:00

Todd left last night to help out on a youth retreat so while he is hanging with teens, I am alone hanging out with our kids. After Todd got on his way, the kids and I got our costumes on and went over to their elementary school for the annual "Monster Mash". I wasn't thrilled about it, but it ended up being a really fun time for the kids. As we lined up to get our tickets in, I took note that I was the ONLY parent in a costume. I hate to stand out and with my "bar maid" dress and messy hair I did catch glances my way. As we entered, I thought that at least the mom's that organized would be in the Halloween spirit, but...no. I made a point at the moment to make the best of it. Besides I found 5 or so more parents eventually who were dressed up. :)

The party was set up so that each class room had an activity or game and a prize for completing it. There were carnival style games, crafts, a haunted room and even a large blow up bouncer. They had a magician who was very entertaining, but many of the kids got a little antsy when i ran over 45 minutes. The funniest part of the night was when we went into the "fortune teller" room. I have to be honest, I hesitated to let the kids in, but realizing it was probably all in fun we went in. I laughed as soon as I saw the two high school students who were "performing". My first comment was " Somehow I can't see taking " Minnie Mouse" as a serious fortune teller". The students were goofy and fun and told the kids what they would be for Halloween (pretty easy to guess when they were WEARING their costumes!).

Though I miss Todd so much when he leaves for the weekend, I have had a great time with Hannah and Caleb. Today, Hannah and I worked together on a school project and then the three of us put together a shoe box Haunted House for Caleb to take to school. We even had time to do a devotional together.

When I am forced to devote all my time on my kids I realize just how much I treasure them. Just as long as Todd returns by Sunday night! LOL

We're back

2007-10-18T09:50:00.000-05:00

"Hi, Caleb, we are leaving Nana and Papa's house right now and will be home around 8:30."
"Okay, he-he,"
"Can you tell Grandma?"
"Yes" Giggling erupts.
"Caleb, what is so funny?"
"Cause you got us something!"

Thus is the conversation that greeted me as we drove our final stretch of our long return home on Monday night.

We spent a relaxing, refreshing week aboard the Pacific Catalyst exploring the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington. Todd and I traveled with 8 friends of ours that we meet on YMX a forum for youth workers and ministers. Two of our friends, Bill and Shannon owned the boat that took us on our adventure. And what an adventure it was!

We hiked up trails and hills, kayaked the bays and went on long boat rides searching for sea life. I have not laughed so hard, felt so free or experienced anything like that before last week. Each turn around the corner brought such breath-taking beauty and amazing appreciation for the wonders God created. To think that much of those lands are rarely experienced by the outside world was unbelievable. We watched a seal fighting with sea gulls as he tried to consume his fish. We laughed in amazement as three porpoises danced in and out of the current in the front of the boat. They were so close, it felt as if we could have touched them. We sat and observed the mighty eagle soar above us or sit regally in a tree as we passed. We discovered dozens of trees that had been knocked over by the wind, taken over by fungus and new growth or just towering above us. We listened to the ocean lap over the rocks and shore and the quiet serenity of the waves as they splashed the sides of the boat.
We were feed till our stomachs could not hold anymore, sang silly songs and then songs reflecting God's beauty we beheld. We shared stories of fond memories, silly teenage loves and our deep-felt heartaches. We built friendships I will treasure for a long time.

Upon arriving back in Sidney, BC to catch the first leg of our trip back, I was content and ready to return home. It was a longer trip back then planned, but after our flight canceled, spending one extra night in a hotel and arriving three flights later, I looked upon the picture Todd had captured his last morning on the boat and the peace I had gained while there returned.
I am so thankful for the gift Bill and Shannon gave us. I hope they are blessed many times over for their hospitality and overwhelming generosity.

The shotgun needs to come out

2007-10-02T13:39:00.000-05:00

Our daughter, Hannah recently turned 10. She is still young and innocent in spirit, but her body has been trying to race her to teen hood faster then we'd like. She stands over 5 ft tall and recently discovered she now wears the same size shoe as me. Thats a little strange to get use to!

On Saturday, she was invited to a birthday party at "Max Play" a place where they have anything from rollerskating to laser tag to whirly ball... you get the picture. The birthday girl's parents own the fun center so the girls could do just about anything they wanted. They even had a company there who did the girls hair and make-up, let them pick our fashions, then created a run-way show just for them. It was every girl's dream!

When Hannah came home, she told me she had a secret that she didn't want to say around the "boys" (mainly Dad and Caleb). When she was waiting in line for skates, a boy around 12 or so came up to her and asked her if she wanted to play laser tag with he and his friend! Hannah sweetly told him she was there for a birthday party and the boy went on his way.

As a mom, I thought the story was cute and didn't surprise me that a boy would think she was older then what she is. Plus, she IS cute after all! As a FATHER, however, Todd had a different take.
After Hannah went to bed I told Todd about the encounter. He stared straight at the T.V. and slowly his lip curled up over his top teeth. He looked like a pit bull about to take on an opponent. He sat that way for quite a while and finally uttered, "I'm not ready for this".

Jokingly, I told him maybe its time to take out the shotgun. he agreed, but somehow I don' think he felt quite as humorous. LOL

Waiting...

2007-10-01T09:08:00.000-05:00

I find that lately I am surrounded with the act of waiting. I think it has always existed, however, in the last 2 1/2 years it has really begun to illuminate over all other things. There are times when the thoughts that we are still waiting on God to move don't even cross my mind. Other days, such as Sundays, I am constantly reminded that there is a void in our lives.

For so many years it was I who drove separately from Todd because he had to be at church much earlier. There were many nights when I waited for him to get home after he spent a long evening with teens and adult volunteers. I remember sacrificing my involvement in activities because it would involve leaving the kids too many nights with a sitter or make it difficult for our family in some way. I always wanted Todd to feel free to minister in the church even though it meant a few sacrifices along the way.

Now, we have reversed roles it seems.

I am the one who has to be at church early in the wee hours of the morning and he is the one staying back and making sure the kids are dressed and ready. There are many nights during the month that I am at church for a rehearsal. Most recently, Todd sacrificed being able to attend a special worship service so I could go and help out (there wasn't child care). Though I am deeply grateful that God has allowed me to be so involved in the ministries I love, I am also heartbroken. I have pleaded with Him on several occasions to take all the favor He has given me and release Todd back into ministry. It is a struggle we both face and it feels sometimes like it is choking the faith out of us. I want to believe that God has a plan and reason for keeping us waiting, but I also grow weary with the long road before us.

Then there are times when I remember so many others who are waiting.

Today, I saw a friend of ours jogging who is still waiting for God to send him to China. He and his family gave up everything last year, a home, a job and the comforts of being with family and it appears that God is not quite done with the preparations. My grandmother, who has been like a mother to my cousin, waits for him to get home from his second deployment to Iraq. A woman I knew from school is waiting today to see if her dad will pass away as they take him off the ventilator. My heart breaks when I think of my dear friend, Stephanie, who just finished radiation therapy and is waiting to regain her strength and health again. She lost her job, her apartment and even friends when cancer took over her body a little over 6 months ago.

I wish there was a word of comfort in all of this, but my only hope is that God is in control and He won't forget us. That I won't let my doubts and frustration turn into bitterness but that this time of pressing will strip all that I should not be and release all that He wants me to be. That in the end of the race, I will be fashioned into the vessel He had designed all along and that I won't fight each painful moment but embrace it.

Childhood drama

2007-09-26T16:00:00.000-05:00

Its amazing how much the battles my children face bring me back to my childhood. Friendship in itself can be complicated and adding the basics of growing up such as selfishness, jealously and the desire to be accepted makes its all the more stressful.

It all began the first week of school when the two close friends of Hannah's soon declared themselves the "boss of the bus". I heard a small bit from Hannah about how the girls were trying to take charge, but when 2 other moms approached me I realized how big the issue had become. The two friends (who were also sisters) were without mercy teasing other children on the bus. In addition, the oldest of the two would not allow any of the other children to sit in the "6th grade" seats though she was the only sixth grader. Hannah finally talked to the bus driver and when the sisters found out someone had "told" on them they asked who said it. Hannah told me she didn't want to lie so she admitted she had. Instantly, she became enemy #1 to the sisters. They told her they hated her, she was the most hated person on the bus and so on. They went on so much , Hannah emerged from the bus sobbing. She could hardly catch her breath to tell me what happened. I can't imagine how it must have felt to have two friends treat her this way.

The next day, the younger of the two made it her mission to spread her hate of Hannah, including writing it on the playground, on notebooks and even made a sign in sticks stating , "I hate Hannah".

As time went on, Hannah's other friends stuck up for her and the younger sister backed off. But then this week, the oldest sister began calling our house wanting to play with Hannah. The first two days, we were busy but the third day when Hannah pleaded with me that she did not want to play, I knew I needed to step in. I answered the phone and said very kindly" Sweetie, I have been hearing about how you and your sister have been treating other kids and until that changes, Hannah is not allowed to play with you." I said a few last things and she did quickly say "I'm sorry". Now time will only tell if she is indeed sorry.

I am very hopeful that both sisters will realize they will not have friends unless they treat others kindly. I don't wish for them to be alienated anymore then I want Hannah being bullied.

I am praying that things will resolve themselves in time and that God will direct us how to handle the next "childhood drama".

Back to School!

2007-09-04T15:39:00.001-05:00

Yes, today was the official first day of the school year 2007-2008. Hannah is in the 5th grade this year and Caleb is in 3rd grade. Gosh time blows by!

Both had different views on why they did not want to go today. Hannah's friends were all assigned to the teacher Hannah desperately wanted, so she was pretty upset to learn she would be in another classroom. Caleb didn't want to start school because he knew it would interfere with play time with his friends. Surprisingly, though, both arrived home with smiles on their faces and had a lot to tell me. I, personally, was just glad to be able to go to the gym without dragging them with me!
I won't shed any tears today, but inside I am a little sad to see them grown up. At the same time I am excited to see what each year brings them as they develop into the person God created them to be.

Here's to another school year! CHEERS!

Personal trainer

2007-08-04T15:30:00.000-05:00

When I look at the machines at the World Gym, all I see is a mass of metal and weights that look way to complicated or embarrassing to try. So today, Todd and I had an appointment with a trainer from our new gym (where I received those free memberships a few weeks ago). Our trainer was this huge guy who has been working out for over 30 years so I felt very intimidated to try anything in his presence. However, as time went on, I realized he was really compassionate and was being conscience not to embarrass either of us. It was great to have the trainer take us around and not only explain what various machines were for, but also to give us a quick training so that we could create a workout on our own. I've never had a gym membership before nor have I worked out with a trainer so the experience was really positive in the end. I now feel I can walk into the gym and not feel like an alien. What I was once dreading to do now makes me eager to return and try it again.

That is when my arms stop feeling like jello!

Getting in shape for God?

2007-07-25T17:17:00.000-05:00

I have not been involved in the children's ministry since we left our last church and the main reason was because I did not want to commit to too many areas of ministry. It is very tempting to join up with everything you enjoy but I have begun to learn that more is not better. The opportunity to serve with the children came after I mentioned to someone that I'd love to be involved with the Kid Zone worship. That "someone" happened to be married to the "other someone" who organizes the worship for the kids and so it was not long before I got an invitation to join them.

On Sunday, I tackled my first attempt to help lead Kid's Zone worship at our church. It consisted of me jumping around for about 10 minutes and trying to remember the words of the songs as I formed the motions at the same time. It was a little awkward, but... I loved it!

The moment that I knew I was where I was suppose to be came in first service, when the kindergarten group came in. There were a few in the front who did not take their eyes off me as they enthusiastically jumped along with me. It was so precious to watch and I admit I had to fight back a little bit of "parent pride" as my own children (who were standing with the older groups) joined in as well. I probably looked like a fool and I know it was certainly not my best vocal performance, but I really believe it was important to those kids.

After finishing the worship songs for second service, I made a comment to the leader that I would need to start working out again if I was going to keep up with them.

God has a funny sense of humor.

Monday, I got a call from World Gym saying that I won 2 two year memberships. I did not connect the two events until I was driving to work the next day. Looks like I will be hitting the gym next week since apparently an important Someone thinks my involvement with the kids should continue. :)

I've been tagged!

2007-07-18T12:48:00.000-05:00

...so apparently I've been tagged by Amy!

This is what it means:

rules to play

1. players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

So eight facts about me...

1. I once locked my brother in the bathroom just to see if he could get out.

Unfortunately, he couldn't so my dad had to take the door off the hinges to let my little brother escape.

2. When I was on a mission trip in Scotland, I got high with my youth pastor.

Okay, so it was on paint fumes and it wasn't intentional. We were painting a bathroom with the door closed and the paint was oil based unlike the American water based paint.

3. When I was in third grade, I began writing to My teachers' niece in Australia. I continued to write to her and finally met her for the first time when I was 22. We kept in touch until about 5 years ago.

4. The month I was due to have our daughter, there was a tornado that ripped through the trailer park we were living in. While we were home. Two years later, when I was pregnant with our son, I was in OK and we were surrounded with tornado sightings.. Both times, we were safe.

5. I used to believe that my best friend's dad was really Kenny Rogers. He looked just like him and I was convinced he led a double life.

6. Horror movies freak me out! My best friends in high school thought it was funny to make me watch scary movies. After watching "Silence of the Lambs", I was afraid to go down in my basement for weeks!

7. When I was a child I made a lemonade stand. When the first car pulled up and asked how much it was I ran into the house terrified because I wasn't suppose to talk to strangers.
It wasn't very successful.

8. On a more serious note: I couldn't be happier than where God has me right now. We are not anywhere where we thought we should be now two years after leaving our previous church, but God has grown us tremendously and we have witnessed amazing things in our lives as we have learned to trust Him even when we can't see where He's leading us.

Okay, I tag the following...

1. Kent
2. Kayla
3. Mary
4. Liz
5. Marina
6. Betsy
7. Kim
8.Amy

Holding Hummingbirds

2007-07-10T15:28:00.000-05:00

Today I was sitting reading a book when I heard a "thump" on the front window. Almost instantly, I realized a bird had hit so I went outside to investigate. To my amazement TWO hummingbirds lay in the flower bed. One of them slowly twisted with eyes closed and I knew it had broken its neck. The other one lay close by panting heavily. I watched it for a few seconds wondering if it too would die, then I slowly reached down and gently picked it up. Surprisingly, it sat perfectly still. My heart soared as I thought about what a rare thing I was experiencing. This small beautiful creature can rarely be seen at times due to its quick rate of speed, yet here one was sitting in my palm calmly. I wanted to take it inside and find my camera, but I was afraid it would gain confidence and fly around the house so against my desire to keep it, I set it down on the pavement and ran inside for my camera. Finally, after I took a few shots of him, he flew a short ways onto our wind chimes. Not a few minutes had passed when a rain storm blew in and I had to retreat inside. It has been a while now and he is still perched on a branch outside my window perhaps waiting to catch his breath while the rain pours down.

I began to ponder this beautiful experience and wondered if God had planned it. Though I don't have an answer I do believe that He was watching my encounter and smiling with me. I wish I could have shared that moment with my family, but I think somehow it was meant just for me. Maybe I needed to see that beautiful, rare things can occur in the midst of a storm. Or maybe I just needed a reason to smile.

Whatever the reason, I am grateful to say I held a hummingbird.

My first song

2007-06-26T18:28:00.000-05:00

Instead of blogging what Todd basically wrote (except maybe the "amazing" part :), I thought I'd just add a link to his blog so that you can hear my first official song.

Go here

My unresolved life

2007-06-20T18:36:00.000-05:00

Sunday, our pastor spoke on how our church will be going through many transitions over the next year and a half. Many of those changes are not even formulated and he gave an illustration by playing a beautiful jazz song. The song grew and danced around and just as you awaited the resolution... it stopped. Right there, hanging on an unresolved note. It made you want to sing out the last notes you expected to hear. It could drive you crazy if you thought about it too much or listened to it multiple times.
The last two years, I have repeatedly felt my life rang the same notes. Its as if God has created a complicated jazz song that has many twists, minor measures intermixed with major and each time I have felt He was taking me to the climax and resolution, He stops. Once again, I am left hanging on to the last note He wrote. Waiting for what I expect to hear, yet not quite knowing what the Artist has in mind. I am beginning to sense more and more that the notes I thought He intended to write may not be anywhere close to what I thought. I had this whole idea when Todd and I got married 11 1/2 yrs ago that he would go into full-time ministry and I would be the happy stay at home mother and wife. Things would be perfect and smooth. No minor notes or twists in the measures. Once reality hit, I knew that every life does not consist of such melodic tunes without taking difficult notes, even measures, along the way. Sometimes, its even the entire chorus. What I am praying for is a beautiful bridge that will bring hope to this time in my life and turn this inpatient mood of a song to one full of life and inspiration. I feel I have waited so long and listened to this song over and over so many times that sometimes it feels I will never get to hear how He intends to complete it.
I don't know if it will be a year and half such as our church will have to wait or perhaps an even longer time. I just pray for the ability to wait without trying to write the notes myself.

This is why

2007-06-08T08:27:00.000-05:00

This past week I had a very old friend contact me through myspace. Not old as in age, but more like how long ago I knew her. We grew up down the street from each other. She had begun coming to our church, Rockpointe , and thought she had seen me there. I was really excited because not only was she someone from my past, but she is also searching out her faith! I sent her a message back and told her I'd be looking for her as well.

Then we come to this morning...

I woke up to my seven yr old telling me very proudly that he had a dream about reading and so he had been reading books. Confused that something did not feel quite right, I glanced at the clock to discover it was 25 minutes AFTER the time my kids should have been at the bus stop. AHHH!! I jumped out of bed yelling that everyone needed to get dressed quick and in 15 minutes we were out the door. While I was signing my kids into school (they were tardy for the day) another mom came in with her son.

"Do I know you?" she asked.

At first, I just brushed it off and said " I don't know."

But she was very persistent in figuring out where we had known each other from and as as began to discuss friends , I realized that she also seemed very familiar. We discovered that she was friends with a member of our previous church who I also knew. Matter of fact, we had been to many of the same small groups, parties and so on. During our quest, she asked if I sang at Rockpointe and I said "yes". Apparently, she and her family were looking for a church and had visited ours over the summer while our pastor was on vacation. We had a long conversation about churches and how they had "given up" in the search so I encouraged her to try our church again. She agreed and said she believed that is was God that brought us together.

When I returned home, I began to toss her last comment around and the more I thought about it, I became overwhelmed. My alarm clock was set for 7 am yet for some reason it never went off. God knew that unless I over slept I would not drive my kids to school and have to sign them in. He also knew Laura drove her son, but since she ALSO was late, we both ended up in the office together. How amazing can that coincidence be?

There are still times when I begin to question why God brought us to Rockpointe. We feel so at home there but yet we still have faith that God will put Todd back into ministry. It can get confusing when we try to rationalize it out. Though these encounters do not confirm why we are there, it gives me continued hope that God's bigger purpose has yet to be revealed and while we wait He is leading more sheep to join us.

That to me is extremely exciting!